I am caregiver to my disabled mother and am having a big problem with the home care workers attitude and work ethic.
They don’t care, really I don’t think they are even really paying attention.
However, they think they are AMAZING caregivers.
I feel I am at their mercy because I need someone to be with mom because I can’t be there all the time.
They call out last minute. For example, my mom has a terrible abscess/infection on her gums and is in pain, can barely eat. Caregiver is supposed to take her to oral surgeon consult tomorrow. She just called out because she said her cousin died in a drunk driver car crash. Ok. Last Tuesday she called out because she was in a car accident. In the same message she said she has to take off Thursday as well because her mom has an eye doctor appointment. What?
Also, when she was here today she didn’t take the trash out or fill mom’s water etc. They just breeze in and out at their leisure.
I am trying to be calm and patient, but I feel like I am being taken for a ride with these people. The other caregiver who was told in the interview that driving to doctor appointments /errand was a big part of the job and assured me it would be no problem at all. Now complains constantly to my mom whenever she needs to go somewhere, but she doesn’t directly say no. She’ll say, ‘oh how far away is it, oh that’s so far, are you sure you really need to go there today? Maybe the other caregiver can take you, gas is so expensive’ and it goes on and on with these kind of complaints about the wheelchair hurts her arms/back etc etc.
This isn’t just a few bad apples either, I have noticed this for years now where I am really starting to believe these caregivers only want to sit on the sofa/text and watch TV all day.
They will say anything in the interview and it means absolutely nothing. Last week when I reminded her that she agreed that driving wouldn’t be an issue in the interview and that she said she liked going out and didn’t want to be cooped up in the house etc she looked so surprised I remembered that. Also, she gets mileage reimbursement and paid holidays/sick days as well as extra hours. I told her I try my best to compensate her for the work etc.
Doesn’t even day thank-you, ever.
I am trying to finish my degree and was really counting on these two for this semester. They committed several times in June, July and August that they would be here for the fall semester(aug 25-dec 14)
Now they are both quitting?! I have my own perspective is that neither of them actually need to work. Their husbands or parents are fully taking care of them so being a caregiver is like an extra cash for them and they treat it like a retail job at the mall. Have absolutely no idea how much their behavior/games puts our household in chaos. I am tired of this and I’m tired of people telling me to keep looking until I find the ‘one’. Like their is some magical unicorn caregiver out there who is going take the job seriously. For awhile I thought it was me and blamed myself that maybe I said something/did something that turned them off etc. but no they are really happy as long as you don’t ask them to actually do anything or bring attention to something that want done. For example, I came home one day last week and all mom had eaten was a yogurt. I asked her if the caregiver tried to give her lunch/meals and she said no, but the caregiver brought her own lunch from home and fed herself.
We used to use an agency and the first day one girl came I asked her why she wanted to be a caregiver, she said ‘because it’s easy’
There is so much more, I’m sorry this became a vent/rant. I’m sorry for the bad grammar too.
I am just so discouraged and sad that I have yet again start the hire/interview process when I have zero confidence that I can rely on anyone. How do you cope with not being able to rely on the people your paying to help you?!
I have really been thinking if I or mom did something to put them off, but really I think it was the job itself. Everyone was happy bumming around the summer. Over the summer things were more flexible, but once the school year started timing was more important and they didn’t want to be held accountable for anything.
Find people that DESPERATELY need to work. Then make sure you pay them more than they’d make anywhere else. The ladies that took care of my mom were not CNA’s, but almost all had experience taking care of sick/handicapped/dying family members. They were paid more than if working in a nursing home, and we let them decide among themselves their schedule. They liked that flexibility. If one calls out at the last minute, offer another worker a “bonus” if she can come in on her off day.
I think a little of my frustration comes from the fact that they are paid above what normal agency’s pay, plus I do give paid sick days/vacation days which agency’s don’t do. Often have let them leave early, but paid them for whole shift. Always remember their birthday and if I’m at the market and see a sale on some snack they like I always bring something for them.
Recently I spoke to a friend who works at an opticians office and she gets paid less than moms caregivers and doesn’t even get paid days off. So I feel I really am trying to go above and beyond to show how much I value their help and they don’t even really acknowledge it all.
It does take some time to make a schedule a week ahead and call each lady to confirm shifts. It doesn't take much time to go online payroll site and enter their hours each week so they get paid. I have a liability insurance policy just in case they get injured in my home. It's worth it to me over using an agency because (a) they are MUCH more dependable, (b) better level of care, (c) someone Mom knows is showing up to provide care, and (d) less stress for me over the problems experienced with an agency. Women who have raised a family don't complain about assisting Mom when a wet incontinence panty needs changing; they understood what they were getting into when they saw the list of duties. Often when one lady needs to change a shift, she talks with the others and just tells me about a shift swap.
I hope you find a great caregiver soon.
Be happy they are gone.