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Mostly Independent
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Having problems getting my mother to pick up after or care for herself (leaving trash wherever it lands, rinse the poo out of the tub when she is done, bringing dishes to the kitchen, refusing to go to the doctor, take a shower, etc.
You say below that your mom has no signs of forgetfulness, yet everything you're describing indicates that she has some type of dementia. Either that or she has extreme depression. And why is she pooping in the tub? That in itself is not normal and should be a huge red flag that something mentally is amiss. I'm not sure why you opted to have her move in with you, but it may be time to be looking at alternative options.
Sounds like you think mom is capable of caring for herself and doing these things when in fact she's not. A person who's pooping in the tub, for starters, is not functioning on all cylinders. Same with refusing to take a shower, which is a classic symptom of dementia or dementia brought on by a stroke. Make up a story about how Medicare is now requiring everyone to have an annual physical by their PCP otherwise insurance coverage will be terminated. If she still refuses to go, tell her she has to move into a nursing home if she won't cooperate bc you can't handle her anymore. That should change her mind in short order. Let the doctor know ahead of time what's going on and request a mini cognition test be administered to her along with a CT scan or MRI to check for strokes.
How long has your Mom had these issues? How old is she? Is she having other issues such as forgetfulness? Has she been assessed by her doctor? Does she live with you?
The more information you supply the Forum the better people here can help you.
Mom is 75 lives with me no signs of forgetfulness and has been going on for about 9 months now .she has not been assessed by a doctor because she refuses to go to see him .
This could be as a result of a stroke if this is a huge change, a bladder infection, almost anything, and it must be checked out. I would call APS now, and try to get them to come in to assess. They will decide whether to call EMS to transport your mom to hospital. Something is very wrong here. Apparently this is not a life-long hoarding or messy housekeeper, but someone who sustained a profound incident some months ago that she has been unable to recover from. Please seek medical help whether Mom agrees to it or not. Access APS for help.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
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If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
And why is she pooping in the tub? That in itself is not normal and should be a huge red flag that something mentally is amiss.
I'm not sure why you opted to have her move in with you, but it may be time to be looking at alternative options.
Best of luck to you
The more information you supply the Forum the better people here can help you.
I got angry with her, and we went back and forth, arguing about her not doing simple things that she expected us to do as children.
It was through the wisdom of the members of this forum, that I finally understood that my mother had a dementia.
Keep coming back here, and read all you can about dementia.
Good luck to you.
Be straight up honest: I am worried about you Mom. It is important. I'm coming with you.
Or of that fails, flu jab, renewal of prescriptions, called in for 5 yearly assessment - whatever you can come up with to get her there.
Drop a letter off at the Doctor's the week before listing your concerns.
If behaviour/symptoms get worse, consider calling EMS for advice, eval & transport for investigation.