My dad has dementia and I've been living with him for over a year now. I'm lucky in that I work from home and my job allowed me to move several states away to care for him. I have a boyfriend so although I am home during the day M-F, 3-4 nights a week I'm at my boyfriend's. I'm always home by 10 and leave my dad food and call to check on him. Saturday and Sunday I spend most of the time at my boyfriend's. It's about 15 minutes' drive between the two houses. I spend Saturday and Sunday night sleeping at the BFs. I come back a couple of times during the day to check on my dad and bring him food and I call. He's fine. I think, if he went into care, he'd be in assisted living for a while. Now, I have a couple of neighbors who are saying that he shouldn't be alone as much as he is and one of them has tried to get other neighbors to call the sheriff. I'm pretty sure my dad "hams it up" when I'm not home because he likes the attention, but it's leading them to think he's worse than he is and that I am neglectful. First of all, I have 3 siblings and I'm the only one stepping up. The others hardly ever call. If I didn't have my boyfriend and other friends to spend time with, I'd lose it and he'd have to go in a home. I'm not giving up my life 100% to look after him. I don't even like him. He was an abusive father and now I'm looking after him and the neighbors want to call me neglectful. I'm so sick of people judging without knowing the full story, without living in my shoes, without talking to his doctors, who say he is doing just fine and that he doesn't need round-the-clock care. I realize if they do call the sheriff probably nothing will happen, but I just don't want to deal with that added stress and knowing that every time they don't see my car at the house they think I'm being neglectful. I'm thinking about writing a letter and just putting it in the mailboxes of all the neighbors telling them what's going on, that the doctor's say he is fine, and giving them the number of adult protective services and encouraging them to call if they truly think he's being neglected. Thoughts on how to deal with them? I'm going to give then the benefit of the doubt and say I think they genuinely are trying to be caring, but they're going about it the wrong way. I'm especially annoyed the one who wants to call the sheriff won't ask me to my face about the situation!
