My 87 year old mother lives with my oldest sister and her husband. My mother has dealt with incontinence issues for years and has even had the mesh bladder lift surgery to assist her with this problem. This problem has escalated to a more serious problem where our mother refuses to even get up go to the bathroom to urinate. She says she doesn't need to since she wears the incontinence undergarments. She reinforces them with overnight pads in the middle of them. She claims she cannot tell when she has to urinate but knows she is going because she feels the "warmth". We have discussed this issue with her doctor and she has been examined and we are told there is no physical reason for her to be going on herself the way she is. Confronting her about her need to get up and go to the bathroom to "clean up" turns into a battle of wills. To her if it's not absolutely dripping wet it doesn't need to be changed. She even resorts to trying to dry them out if she feels they are not wet enough to dispose of them. Chairs are being ruined, her mattress is going to need to be replaced soon. Suggesting that she consider being cathed to deal with this easier sent her into a tail spin. She doesn't care about her hygiene issues associated with this problem and refuses to take baths or showers. When asked by Heath care officials she lies and tells them she washes, but she doesn't. UTI's are pretty much the norm. Anyone else dealing with this too?
My first instinct was to tell you to just cover the furniture with that plastic stuff from the seventies. Not very pretty but better than stinky. But if this is effecting her health - and it is if she is not cleaning and getting UTI s ( and I saw that she has AD from your profile) well, I agree with you that something should be done. Some questions-I am sure you have these covered but just in case-
Are the toilets comfortable for her? . Does she need accommodations made so she feels safe on them? Like lift seats or bars to hold onto?
Is she in any physical pain from her mesh? I keep seeing these ads for lawsuits about them. Could it be effecting her?
Do you think this has become a battle of the wills or a comfort thing? Is she just trying to control things or is she possibly in pain when being cleaned? I keep hearing, on here, that shower water is painful to the elderly a lot of times.
I would schedule clean up time for her thoughout the day. Make it part of the routine. Before she eats lunch she must get a clean up. Make it spa like. Have soft towels on her bed over a rubber sheeting(you can buy rubber sheeting at a fabric store- it is soft). Have her lay down on the bed with a sheet covering her or a big towel so she is warm. Or let her keep a robe on. And have a warm bowl of water ready to go. And just gently wipe her down. Maybe give her a brief foot massage or hand massage after. Can you put corn starch in her private area-around groin? I think that is OK but I would check with her doctor.
Then in the evening I would do this again. It may be a lot of work though. Can you get help that would do this for her. And then give her a full bath or shower when needed. I have heard you can go as little as once a week but I am guessing it depends on the person and their level of odor.
My Mom hates that she needs help with her bathing. She is very proud and private. I use humor to get us through it and the spa like thing. She is comfortable in a shower so we use a bench but when I am watching her I say-"OK-is my 7 o'clock appointment ready? Come on lady, let's get you beautiful" And I remind her that it does not bother me to wash her!!! She sits with a towel in the shower and covers herself with it. It gets soaked but so what. We use a shower with the removable handle. Also when she needs to clean "her naughty parts" she uses does this herself and I always say "oh I love my ceiling. What a gorgeous ceiling! Look at that ceiling!!!" as I stare upwards and she laughs.
Just some thoughts for you. I do not know if any of this will help you. I know our elders are all so different and unique so I apologize if my post is not helpful to you.
OK- really silly question. have you asked Mom why she hates bathing so much? Maybe it is for a reason we cannot think of.
Sheesh ,I wish I could help. (((((hugs))))