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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Is it your sibling who is refusing outside care, or is it your parents who are refusing to have "strangers" in the house?
The only person whose behavior you have any control over is you.
You can say " regretfully, sis, I can't help with hands on care. We all appreciate what you are trying to do, but we think our parents need more help than just family can give at this point. What are the options? Can we help research them?"
Time for a family meeting. Allow your parents to express their caregiving preferences in order to determine who is responsible for refusing outside care.
Go into the family meeting with a clear idea of what *you* are willing to do and what you are not willing to do in terms of caregiving for your parents. Identify their daily, weekly and monthly needs and how they are currently being met. Be firm in how you see their needs unfolding and stand firm in what you will do to help.
When you say "total control of parents care" do you mean your sister has durable power of attorney for them? If so, your sister needs to understand what you will and will not do. If not, DPOA (medical and financial) needs to be discussed at the family meeting and a consult with an elder attorney should be arranged.
Caregiving must work for everyone involved. And, in my opinion, no one should take on the responsibility of caregiving without having the authority i.e. DPOA.
Expect to have more than one family meeting. The more unreasonable your parents' expectations the more meetings to reiterate your message. It's not easy; it's unpleasant, but it's very necessary.
sibling don't want outside help? Ok...so sibling is providing all the care. Just that simple.
do not let sibling drag you into this....this was not your decision, not your responsibility to make siblings poor choice work.
tell sibling exactly what you will do...for example..I will come and help clean house one Saturday a month, and I will help buy groceries on that same day. I will visit with parents one evening per week...I will notify you each week what day it will be.
Or something to that effect....basically making it clear where you draw the line, what you will do.
She can want your help all she wants but you don’t have to provide it. She can control her life but not yours. If she decides to keep your parents home, that’s her choice. What she doesn’t get to do, is choose for the rest of you. Her choosing to keep them at home knowing they require round the clock care does not mean the rest of you are obligated to participate in this. You can choose to help on your own terms. You can help when you want and again on your one terms. She made HER choice but she doesn’t make to the choice for you and your other siblings. I hope I don’t sound harsh here. This kind of hits home, dealing with a situation my BIL and FIL have gotten themselves in to and they made the choice to for him to move out here both knowing he couldn’t take care of himself and I just want to scream that the rest of us didn’t agree to or sign up for this so handle it yourselves! You brought him out here in this condition so man up and deal with it!
I don't blame her for not wanting outside care! With stuff I have read on this site! Stealing, lack of respect for property/client, lack of care, cost REALLY! So you work full time and you can't spare a day or evening to help care for your own parents! These parents cared for you and you can't give a few hours REALLY! Sibling wants a few hours to herself. Maybe parents are asking for you? Maybe parents don't trust outsiders! Instead of waiting for her to get to her wits end why not offer! geez!
Don’t let replies like this make you feel guilty. I don’t see anywhere where you said the sister “wants a few hours”. Like I said, she doesn’t get to control your life. If your parents need more care than you can collectively provide, your sister needs to explore the alternatives. Also quite an assumption to say that the OPs parents cared for her. Not everyone here had parents that cared for them, just saying. I wish people were would think twice about saying “your parents took care of you as a child, the least you can do is take care of them now”. There are quite a few people here who DID NOT have parents who take care of them. My husband’s dad was an absentee parent and I will damned if people like this, make this sort of comment and try to guilt him into taking care of his dad.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The only person whose behavior you have any control over is you.
You can say " regretfully, sis, I can't help with hands on care. We all appreciate what you are trying to do, but we think our parents need more help than just family can give at this point. What are the options? Can we help research them?"
Go into the family meeting with a clear idea of what *you* are willing to do and what you are not willing to do in terms of caregiving for your parents. Identify their daily, weekly and monthly needs and how they are currently being met. Be firm in how you see their needs unfolding and stand firm in what you will do to help.
When you say "total control of parents care" do you mean your sister has durable power of attorney for them? If so, your sister needs to understand what you will and will not do. If not, DPOA (medical and financial) needs to be discussed at the family meeting and a consult with an elder attorney should be arranged.
Caregiving must work for everyone involved. And, in my opinion, no one should take on the responsibility of caregiving without having the authority i.e. DPOA.
Expect to have more than one family meeting. The more unreasonable your parents' expectations the more meetings to reiterate your message. It's not easy; it's unpleasant, but it's very necessary.
sibling don't want outside help? Ok...so sibling is providing all the care. Just that simple.
do not let sibling drag you into this....this was not your decision, not your responsibility to make siblings poor choice work.
tell sibling exactly what you will do...for example..I will come and help clean house one Saturday a month, and I will help buy groceries on that same day. I will visit with parents one evening per week...I will notify you each week what day it will be.
Or something to that effect....basically making it clear where you draw the line, what you will do.
Instead of waiting for her to get to her wits end why not offer! geez!