He can some some things but refuses. His right side is numb but he can hold some things. He had a brain bleed four years ago. And it affected his right side plus he has md. He is 72. He like to be waited on. I work 10-12 hours a day. He doesn't understand I'm tired.
What seems obvious to us, isn't always so obvious to them. Have you tried making sticky notes and leaving them on fridge? Like "Load Dishwasher Please", "Dust Living Room", "Fold Towels", etc. Mine is pretty much oblivious to anything outside of his own enjoyment. I used to get miffed, blow through all the work while he sat in front of the TV eating cookies, drinking pop, like a child in front of cartoons. One day my Father asked me, have you asked him to do anything? So I tried it, "would you please vacuum while I dust?". TV off, husband up, vacuuming, happily. (?) The second the vacuuming is done, he'll be right back on his butt unless I say "and the towels need folded and put away", ... I dunno, but it's like he thinks if someone else has it then there is no problem. Good luck.
My cousin has VD mixed with AD. By looking at her, you would think she can move her hands, fingers and feet. She seems to do use them well in some ways, like picking up food or moving in her wheelchair, but she is not able to use them in other ways. For example, she is not able to put her hand into a gift bag and put out the item. She is unable to put gloves on or to bathe or change her clothes. Her brain prevents it. Her brain does not allow her to move her legs after she stands up. She looks capable, but the brain limits it.
A dementia patient may be physically able to get out of bed, shower, prepare a meal, dress and sign checks, but they are often NOT able to actually do those things, because the brain is hindering them. And they may be able to do it some days and not others.
A dementia patient is not likely to grasp the number of hours someone is working and how that would impact your time in providing care for him. They don't understand the energy and time involved in their care. It's not his fault. He would have no problem understanding that before the dementia.
I would read a lot about Mixed dementia and how it effects the brain, movement and judgment impairment, so I could adjust my expectations and get help. Getting help to help you take care of him is imperative. It's almost impossible to do this alone in the home, especially working full time. I wish you both the best.
Is that what you meant?
webmd/children/understanding-muscular-dystrophy-treatment
Does he receive physical therapy?
Then I remembered the Serenity Prayer- God Give me the serenity to accept those things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. My mantra the past few years has been "It is what it is, but it will become what you make it". It's on a small plaque that I got from one of my catalogs. And yes it is still VERY hard to remember these in the wee hours of the morning or changing smelly diapers, or scooping poop off the floor. At least he still feeds himself. Good luck!
I began to notice about a year ago or a tad more that my husband (suffering from a blood disorder) was actually happy to let me do things for him rather than to do them himself. For only one example, let me go pick up his prescriptions. That was a change, and I asked myself: ok, how far is he going to take this?
In roughly six short months the answer was in: He was going to take it all the way. I am now in charge of everything. I must oversee everything. I must identify where there are problems that need to be fixed. I must fix or have them fixed. I make all appointments, see that we get there, check and order prescriptions, etc., etc., shop, cook, set the table, clear the table, wash the dishes, do the laundry and the garden, raking, pruning, the car to the mechanic. I make all phone calls and e-mails--he can no longer do these things.
I have a new understanding of the phrase: doing the best he can. This is not my former husband. He would never do this to me or to anyone. So, I have gotten past the anger. I do feel frustration at times. But I understand this: it is up to me to make this doable. And lately that has meant changing the way I do things. I now cook super simple meals that do not take me more than 10-15 minute in the kitchen. I make a lot in advance, like pot roast or spaghetti sauce, or big piles of mixed vegetables so that I just have to warm things up.
The other day, he wanted to know if I was going to do laundry. He had laundry to do. I asked politely and kindly why I had to do it. And, after a moment of silence, he went off and did it himself.
Recently, I have also decided that less than perfection is fine. If he starts a sentence and doesn't finish it, I just let it go. I don't want to know the end of the sentence because it might be a request. We don’t talk a lot anymore because there are so many unfinished sentences--and I am ok with that. I try to DO things with him. We take rides, walk the beach, play with the dog, watch Netflix.
I intend to continue to seek out ways to change our lifestyle to make it less work. Stay tuned. You’ll be hearing from me.
This is one thing that really gets to me ... I don't mind doing something that a person cannot do for themselves, but the have to step in constantly for things that are THEIR responsibility is very aggravating.