He can some some things but refuses. His right side is numb but he can hold some things. He had a brain bleed four years ago. And it affected his right side plus he has md. He is 72. He like to be waited on. I work 10-12 hours a day. He doesn't understand I'm tired.
You touch on a really interesting conundrum: when is a person no longer capable of s.th. and how do we perceive it. Once I truly understand that my husband (82 and 17 years older than me) cannot do s.th., then I am cool with it. But there is a terrible period that can be called: "Waving goodbye to Responsibility." It is constant change, constantly less for him to do, and constantly more for me. I cannot help but be angered but i try to understand that we are just on the moving sidewalk of old age. I would estimate that one thing each week transfers from him to me.
sometimes that really scary part is that he isn't ready to transfer s.th. that he can no longer does well---like drive the car. He hasn't driven in over a year but wont' admit that it is over and still wants to drive. that is very hard. Or, paying some bills and doing it late and getting penalties. etc,. etc.
I am trying to regard this chapter of my life as just that: a chapter. it will be over and on to the next chapter someday, and I want to be able to look back and know that I did a good job, that I was kind and helpful, that I left nothing undone, that I did my best.
Wish I had patience to explain each time. It must be aspergers.
The hardest part for me is not doing for two people, it is the perception by others that I am the mean one, or even that in their uninvolved opinion he can do more than I know he cannot at times. Looking in from the outside with judgment on the caregiver can hurt, and cut deep. But then, I realize that my efforts on his behalf make him look really good. Its just that I am looking haggard.
In all honesty, i am just thanking God every day that my husband can do the basics (eat, toilet, shave, dress) for himself. I dread the first mini-stroke when that will all end.
But until that time, I am getting by very well with tons off gratitude. I am grateful for so many things.