My 83 year old dad has dementia and wants to have his car near him although he is not allowed to drive. I want to park the car outside his home so that he has the comfort of seeing his car and knowing it hasn't been stolen. But I cannot let him drive it; He doesn't have a license and is no longer insured of course. How can I disable the car to be sure it won't start but in a way that doesn't damage anything? The car is a 2011 Hyundai Sonata.
You're right, at least in my case. "Sadie" (my Acura) has been with me since 2004 (154,000 miles) and I couldn't possibly imagine a time where we're NOT together. 🏎 👵🏼
Do most (normal) people feel like I do? No. But many attach memories of good times and freedom to their cars.
There are two sides to this situation.
Side 1 feels that having your father looking at his car but being unable to drive it is more than he should have to bear. That it would "hurt" his feelings and actually bring sadness. Some think that it would be an "unkind" thing to have to put him through. (NOT that the OP is unkind or "cruel", the fact of him feeling bad when he looks at it is unkind to him.) These folks would opt to get rid of the car TO SAVE (or spare) your dads feelings.
Side 2 See's that dad loves the car and is comforted when he sees it. The trick is how to disable the car so dad won't try to relive past days of driving. What would be the most effective and easiest way to render the car inoperable is the only thought for this side.
Both sides of this conundrum are valid.
The OP has to see that every one of us has an opinion of how THEY would handle the situation and how they view how it's BEING handled.
Since we can't sit around a table chatting and explain a statement that may have scraped at feelings, we have to do it with words only. It's not even in real time.
I believe we need to keep perspective in reading answers. Unless someone is directly calling you names or purpously insulting you, it may be best to see that it is the opinion of the poster as to how THEY would feel and handle your situation.
Just my 2 pesos.
Do not remove tires and sit it up on blocks. He could be fined and also charged to have it towed depending on where he is living. Besides I think it's cruel.
We also disabled the engine but I felt bad when Mom called a tow truck and paid a shop to diagnose it too. She really couldn't afford it. Best of luck.
The LOVE of cars and especially YOUR car can run very very deep.
When ppl respond to a question, they are giving you their personal experiences, and/or outlooks on a situation because of their experiences.
Eg...My Mom is living with me for the last two months and feels aweful about loosing everything, her apartment, furnishings, privacy, Independence. She's doing her best to accept it but it's so hard for her.
I live 2.5 hrs from her former home. If I lived closer and passed her old building everyday, I can assure you it'd be "torture" for her. Especially since she cries after talking to her friends who still live there.
So this is my experience. I didn't answer your question because everyone already covered all the bases. And if you noticed, the answers have your dad's feelings front and center. That's pretty awesome ha? 😊
Your hubs is a mechanic, so it seems you had the answer to your question all along.
This is a wonderful site, and you are definitely in the right place! I'm sure you have a lot of wisdom to share, while benefiting from others, too.
Snapping at the same ppl your asking to help you will only cause ppl to avoid you. You weren't judged. I haven't seen anything on this site but compassion, patience and honesty. What more could we ask for? 😉
Personally, I guessed at "comfort" but a) I could easily be wrong and b) it could easily change.
Sometimes it takes us a while as well to accept that our loved one isn’t going to drive again.
You will be able to tell after awhile if seeing the car is a comfort to him or a painful reminder. Cars represent so much more than transportation.
My aunt told me if the car was there she would drive it. We had at first thought she might like to go for a ride in it occasionally. She knew better and although she hasn’t driven for several years she will occasionally say she regrets stopping.
Someone told about their elder calling AAA and requesting a new battery so remember on a clear day what you choose to do to disable the car can be undone.
My solution to your issue is that you could put the car in "storage" for him (for real or not - you decide) and tell him the car needs to be kept safe and he's saving a bundle on his insurance (even though he doesn't have any insurance) by not driving it right now.
If you don't want him climbing in and starting the ignition, disconnect the battery leads.
There may come a point, you know, when he doesn't remember that he can't drive and he is enraged by his car not working. You'll need to look out for that and change tack if need be.