How do you know if /when you've done enough? I am brand new to this site--never blogged/commented on any forum...and I just really need perspective. My mom and sister died 5 months apart in 2012 and it totally has destroyed my father. He's severely depressed, isolated, and just has given up. My younger brother and I will do anything for him, but he refuses. He cycles through major depressive episodes not getting out of bed, drinking to excess, sleeping all day, etc. Not a big deal, right? But, he had a neurological disorder so when he doesn't take care of himself, he starts to fall, drinks more, becomes belligerent and so dejected. We have care that comes every day to help, life alert, and my brother has moved in temporarily, and I drive 2 hours ( one way) a few times a week. He won't consider any treatment, outside help, or even leaving the house! Each time we suggest or encourage this he shuts us down. He's a physician and we will never be able to "know" more than him. I want us to salvage what's left of our family but how do you convince someone who just doesn't want to go on? Sigh.
One thing you can do right away that may help is to try to get him to cut back on the alcohol. While a person who is depressed may feel a little alcohol makes it better, drinking to excess can help deepen depression. It will be hard to make him care enough to give up the alcohol, but maybe you can help there. And do whatever you can do to get him to a therapist that specializes in unhealthy grief. Your father needs help accepting what has happened so he can move on with the rest of his life. He has my sympathy, because he has been given a triple dose of losses. I hope that he is able to find hope soon. I am glad that he has children who care about him.
And alcohol is a depressant, so drinking will only make things far, far worse. Your dad as a physician should understand that. Has he ever gone to AA? The other thing you can your brother could do is to attend Al-Anon meetings, so you can understand what you can reasonably do to help your dad without enabling his downward spiral.
Treating the depression seems to be key.