My elderly disabled in-laws live in our home, Dad had a stroke several yrs ago, mom is morbidly over weight, and now her rehab center tells me she needs 24 hr care, the thing is I myself am semi disabled, my husband works, and its down to dad and I to look after mom, apart from 4 hrs a day a carer comes in. Its Not enough, mom gets dad up anywhere up to 4 times a night. He's making himself ill and she won't go into 24 hr care and the rehab place says they can't make her. We're at our wits end, dads to the point he doesn't want her home, she's demanding, does nothing for herself, won't bathe, has excuses for everything, nothings her fault, all shell do is watch tv and dad never gets the remote. She wont go to bed, instead she sits in her chair all night.
If the whole family pitches in and eats only low calorie meals like a lot of salads, with no snacks in the house, no ice cream, maybe Mom-in-Law will start losing some weight.
One thing you all need to do is stop enabling her.... unplug the TV if need be.... Mom has to start moving around on her own and start doing things for herself. If she is able to stand for a certain amount of time [I know it won't be easy], have her wash the dishes or do laundry.
Would an agency be able to send out an Bath Aide to help Mom bathe, which I understand can be very difficult for someone who is carrying a lot of weight?
I wondered if your mother has seen a bariatric specialist. Carrying around extra weight is not only a burden on her, it has become a burden on the rest of the family. She needs some help in shedding those extra pounds. I am all for people being able to enjoy their food, but not to the point that they handicap themselves. It seems that if she shed some of those pounds that the quality of life for everyone would increase. Do you think there is any way to tackle this problem, or is she totally resistant? Seeing her weight come down and her energy go up may be enough reward for her to live healthier if only someone could get her headed in that direction. (I know, easier said than done.)
First call the office of aging and tell them of your situation, and if they cannot help you, ask if they direct you to who can. Do not discount doctors as in these situations they can examine your mom, determine the best course of action for the sake of her health and you and your dads. If you do not have a health care proxy in order, run the forms off from the internet, fill them out, and they must be signed by two people outside of your situation and will make a clear, informed decision on her care. You may have to consult with an elder care attorney for advise on how to get through this process, I did. I am an Ombudsman for NYS, I advocate for the rights of they elderly, and I learned a lot about laws and how to work through them. I also had my aunt psychologically evaluated which can be done by your doctor. There are a lot of people who can help resolve your situation, and make life livable for all. No, your mom will not want to go into an ALF or nursing home, and she will be angry, but remember you are doing this out of love for all involved. I am living through a nightmare with my 90 year old dad, my aunt but I will not be made to feel like a failure, I won't feel guilty. Doing what is right for an elder loved one is tough, I have had my moments of shedding tears, wishing I was dead, but I am not going to live with that anymore. If I can help you please let me know. Good luck...
As for her knees, the skeleton wasn't designed to carry a lot of heavy weigh, and sadly it is the knees that scream the most. As we all know, losing weight can help with the pain. But it has to be Mom's decision to do something about it.
"im old and i dont have to do anything"??? My Mom is 97 and no one waits on her hand and foot... we will drive her somewhere if need be... other than that she does all the cooking for her and Dad, all the laundry, all the house cleaning, even helps Dad out in the yard... mind you she has her limitations because she is legally blind, but she does what she can.
Does anyone have durable and medical POA for her?
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