My husband 12 yrs older than myself, he is 70, suffered a stroke after a shunt adjustment. Communication is limited. I have chronic back pain and osteopenia in hips. His problems started in 2007 with cancer. It's as if he died and everyone moved on with their lives. Help in the beginning and now? He has 3 boys from previous marriage, and 3 sisters that are too busy living their lives. We always got along and now I feel as though their only care for me is that I take care of him. I have told them I need a break,...dead silence. My health deteriorated from caregiving. I cannot put him in nursing home as he is cognitive and yes I love him. Often wonder what would happen if I died first. Would love to hire someone to move in and help, but we have no one. I am in pain physically and emotionally. I am on pain and anti depression meds. Truly Burnt Out.
When you tell them you need a break are you offering them a specific task they can do? For instance, asking someone to come and stay for a couple of hours on Saturday so you can run errands or mentioning you need a driver to take him to his doctor appointment may get a better response.
In my area here, it costs $25 an hour for a very nice woman to come, serve or cook lunch, a little light housekeeping...keeping hubby company and all around relieving YOUR mind that he isn't alone. When mom lived with me, I spent her Social Security check for that kind of respite.
My dad lived for nine years after a catastrophic stroke. Left him struggling to talk and made it VERY difficult for him to walk. But he did. And he went to the local senior center twice a week to play pinochle. His wife worked full time. She was able to leave him all day, actually. He would even start dinner. He had a Lifr Alert or some such that knew if he fell, AND had a button he could push in case of emergency.
I wonder if you are taking advantage of some of these things to get some alone time.
I think you need to take a deep breath and seriously consider your options. Make a list of options, the pros and cons of day care, aides in the home, assistive living, whatever else you can think of. If you can get his family on board so much the better, but in the end this choice is up to you to make. I think it is obvious he is cognitively impaired to a degree that he can not be trusted to stay on his own for even short periods and needs constant supervision. If the conditions that caused his stroke are stabilized he could have a many years of life left, where do you see yourself in 2025?
At some point down the road, you should take a look at some assisted living facilities. You might be pleasantly surprised. Just because your husband is cognizant of the world around him doesn't mean that he wouldn't benefit from the care and variety of people and activities at a facility .
What I really wish is that one (or more) of the family members could stay with him while you get away for a while. Since your husband isn't a social person, it would probably be the option he was most open to.
I would definitely set up a plan so that you can get away from the house often without worrying about him. It will help keep you refreshed and you won't feel so rushed when you're doing the shopping. We all need to stay refreshed to keep ourselves from falling into despair.
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