I can't have fun with Grandma without proper financing. Advice?

Can't you find some nice, inexpensive things you can do for your grandmother? Go to the dollar store and get her a couple of nice cards or hand lotion, or take her to a free park to look at the flowers. Or sit with her during some activities where she lives. You don't have to spend money to make her feel loved and appreciated. That's a win-win for you, your husband and your grandmother.

No to the Philly Flower Show, sorry. Bake her some cookies and eat them together. It's those kind of tiny moments she will appreciate. When I go to a nursing home, they don't want presents. They crave a warm touch, a smile and someone who will listen to them. Nothing more.

P.S. if your grandmother likes dogs, if you have a friend with a little dog, bring the dog for a visit (if it's allowed) - maybe in the lobby. I have two little dogs I dog sit from time to time and I've taken them both to visit mom. I took pictures of them on her lap and printed them out on my computer and took them to her to remind her of the visit. She still talks about them and she doesn't remember anything normally. Free entertainment!

several of our local churches have free family movie nights ( not late, start at 7 or so) with free popcorn, etc. family movies, could be fun? They don;t preach, just want you to enjoy yourself as a family. not to be rude, but are you so cash strapped that hubs is realistic, or is he just being cheap?

You did not mention her age. I know the Philly Flower Show & am wondering if that is a lot of moving around for her? Could it be too much for her in one day? I think if she can walk well enough you could go to the park and pack a little lunch picnic on a bench! Feed the squirrels! Older folk don't usually care too much for extravagant things. Your love & conversation is what matters! Dollar store is great place to grab a little flower pot and dig up a plant from your yard! Surely you have a relative who could share some daffodils! She is lucky to have such a caring grandchild like you! Blessings to both of you! Enjoy each other's company!

this was more simple than I thought. THanks guys!

The home gets her pension and social security. They are obligated by law to keep a personal allowance for her personal needs and clothing. Others will know more, but this can be $30/mo accruing in her personal account. Have the home's administrator give you an accounting of these funds. Then use some for gma!
Who is her POA?

Good thinking, sendme!

Thanks Rainmom! I am always surprised as of late if my brain kicks in at all.
It is easier to pass on information someone else has already covered before, and then just remember it. I credit them, whoever they were.

How do you know that Gram doesn't do any activities? If I believed my mother (95) I would think she doesn't. But the activities director loves her because she goes to almost all the activities. Some she watches and some she participates in. One day as I walked in an aide pointed down the hall and said, "Your mom is down there in the sing-along." It was over and I saw her being wheeled out. When I caught up with her I asked her how she liked the singing today. She said, "What singing?" Sigh.

At the beginning of each month I ask at the reception desk for the activity calendar. I note if there are any that she might like me to attend with her. There are movies, crafts, musical events, live entertainment, gardening activities, active games, trivia sessions -- at least 2 things going on every day. I don't often go to bingo with her, because she can handle that perfectly on her own. But I try to always go to the beading sessions because that requires help and she likes making a bracelet. All of these activities are absolutely free. Even if Gram doesn't do activities now doesn't mean she wouldn't like doing them with you there. (Residents like to show off having visitors.)

My mom loves plants, although she was never an outdoor gardener. When she was still mobile enough to go places I'd take her to a large gardening store and wheel her up and down the house plant aisles. We both loved looking at all the wonderful plants. No charge.

Now my mom can't get into a car. My sisters and I push her all around her building, sometimes commenting on pictures on the wall (Doesn't the barn in this picture look like the one on your brother's farm?), sometimes noting the clever decorations on residents' doors. In good weather we wheel her around the neighborhood. She sees the passing of the seasons this way. Mostly she is getting some fresh air and some attention and she knows she is loved.

I print out coloring pages from various web sites, on card stock so it doesn't wrinkle as she colors. I bought her a large set of coloring markers, and somehow a big box of crayons showed up in her coloring box. (Bingo prize?) I color with her sometimes, and one of my sisters likes to do that with her, too. Last week she was sitting with a friend having coffee when I arrived. I brought out the coloring box and the three of us sat coloring! Mom's friend said to her, "Oh you stay in the lines so well. And the colors you picked out are wonderful!" It is great to have that kind of interaction.

Although she hasn't cooked in about 10 years, my mom still likes to look at recipes in magazines. Sometimes I bring in one of my cookbooks with a picture on every page and we look at that. If there are other ladies at the table the cookbook always starts conversations. They remember things they liked to cook or things their families wouldn't eat, or some disastrous experience we can all laugh at.

I'm also "the scrapbook daughter" and I'm the one who brings in photo albums so we can talk about the pictures. (Each daughter tends to do different things with Mom.)

I have visited and had fun with my mom at least a hundred times since she has been in a nursing home. Sometimes I do bring something I've spent money on -- a new African Violet once in a while -- but the majority of the visits cost me only the gas to get there.

In our state the monthly Medicaid allowance is $90. Mom spends most of it on getting her hair done. But if she "needs" new higher slippers to keep her ankles warm, the daughter who is in charge of her money withdraws it from her allowance account.

It is so good of you to want to spend time with your Grandma at this stage in her life. Spending your time is far more important than spending money on her.