I’m at a loss. My mom is currently experiencing memory loss issues and has a history of mental illness to boot. I’ve obtained POA over health and finances, however feel that I run into red tape no matter what I try. I don’t live in the same town as her so I can’t make it to her Dr appts to speak to Dr directly. I tried to schedule a physical on her behalf and they wouldn’t even talk to me. Said they wouldn’t even look at my original POA docs that the attorney would have to send them over personally. She was just 5150 again today after news that her sister passed away last night. My stepdad is no help, (he has some undiagnosed mental deficits also). He thinks he can fix everything with hugs but never alerts anyone when she’s suicidal. Today was the cherry on top when she went back to ER after only a week or so on a 5150 and my stepdad and stepsister were talking about next steps. They didn’t cognitively understand any of my concerns regarding her safety, and declining cognitive abilities.
How can I have her evaluated for competency level? Anytime I call anywhere I run into 1000 road blocks. She runs in this vicious cycle of needing help then denying help as soon as it is offered. I’m just running myself ragged.
Where would I even begin with getting her the help she needs?!
When dad went into hospital after a fall.... I spoke to the nurses and let them know ALL my concerns so it was “on record” and they couldn’t possibly discharge him without a plan of action.
He had a full neuropsych exam (be prepared for about 5 hours) and a follow up visit to review the results. No one will debate the data obtained from the test which clearly shows that dad was not capable of driving, making rational decisions, or caring for himself. Perhaps the family doc could issue a referral for a neuropsych exam?
Youll get answers, as well as suggestions.
"I’ve obtained POA over health and finances, however feel that I run into red tape no matter what I try. I don’t live in the same town as her so I can’t make it to her Dr appts to speak to Dr directly. I tried to schedule a physical on her behalf and they wouldn’t even talk to me. Said they wouldn’t even look at my original POA docs that the attorney would have to send them over personally."
I didn't even live in the same STATE as mom, and the POAs dated back to 2006, put in use around 2015, got no questions from anyone.
I can understand they not letting you speak to the doctor directly, especially over the phone, before having the POA, but not accepting a valid POA document?? The attorney would be listed on it, if they had concerns they could CALL. Just to humor them, the attorney should have no issue sending the document(s) needed to them for you.
I also never heard such malarkey such as not letting you make an appointment for your mother - what is their rationale there? POA or not, making an appointment for someone does NOT impinge on anyone's privacy.
The POA may specify what criteria are needed to have it take effect. Mom's did not. The only real test done was by a nurse associated with the aide company we were planning to hire. She did the MM test with one brother and I present, and deemed her to be early stages of dementia.
Not ONE entity ever questioned the POA, which I provided to those who needed/wanted a copy to allow me to handle issues. The credit union wasn't too bad as two of us were listed on her account already, but she was with me when I did most of the "changes" (address, etc so I would get checks, statements, online access, etc) - I didn't actually update her address until later, by phone, because the statements were really of no use to her other than to confuse her and I STILL got no grief from them! The bank which held some funds and had her SS deposited cashed it out and closed it for me with NO problem (moved all funds/SS to credit union, to make life a little easier for me!) Only she was on the account. I brought her along to that as well, but in both cases she just rifled through her wallet and purse while we did the work. Never said anything to anyone.
Get the attorney office to fax over a copy and proceed from there. IF they still balk, I would pressure them with legal action. If not, perhaps next ER run you can intervene and have her held for assessment. I do like someone else's suggestion about getting the hospital social worker AND the family (at least step-dad) together so that she can see for herself that neither is in a condition to make rational decisions. If the social worker refuses, I would tell her you plan to send a certified letter to hospital admin and let them know that if anything happens to mom, you will hold THEM responsible, and then do it.
The Lanterman–Petris–Short (LPS) Act (Cal. Welf & Inst. Code, sec. 5000 et seq.) concerns the involuntary civil commitment to a mental health institution in the State of California.
For more detail, see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lanterman%E2%80%93Petris%E2%80%93Short_Act#5150
Here's a link that may be helpful to you...
https://www.aginglifecare.org/ALCA/About_Aging_Life_Care/ALCA/About_Aging_Life_Care/What_you_need_to_know.aspx
Another option would be to schedule an appointment with a new doctor that will accept the fact that you are POA for Health. Changing doctors is not ideal but it does not make sense to stay with a doctor she /you can not make an appointment to see.
If the doctors will not let you schedule an appointment the next step would be...
Next time she goes "5150" call the police and tell them that she is a danger. To herself or you or a family member. That should get a transport to the hospital where she can be evaluated.
You will probably need to go with her to appts. Make yourself known to the doctor and staff. Just call and say I would like to make an appt. You don't have to identify yourself. When you get there, have Mom put you down on the HIPPA paperwork as a person the doctors can talk to. Once Mom is declared incompetent, then have the lawyer fax over the POA paperwork. Dr. probably won't require all the pages. Just the ones assigning you and Mom's signature. I would ask. My Moms medical read like a living will so they may want the whole thing.
Does your POA say what has to happen to activate it? Most spouses are in charge by law when a person cannot speak for themselves. So you are probably bumping into that as well.
POAs do not give you control over your parents to do as you wish. It gives you authority to act on their behalf with their permission. Unless you have a mental health POA, then that is a different story.
You will probably need to go to her town and let people see your face and get the paperwork that kicks your POAs in.
A neurologist can evaluate your mom for cognitive decline. My mom's doctor did the short memory test MMSE, and then ordered a neuro-psych eval. You can frame it to your mom as a "check up" so she will comply.
How far do you live from your mom? Can you visit for a few days to go to some appointments? I think if you could get the ball rolling then managing from afar won't be as difficult.
I'm sorry you are going through this, and I'm sorry for your mom too. The loss of her sister must have been very devastating for her. Maybe some grief counseling would help her? That's another appointment you could try to set up once you get the health proxy things lined up.