I am concerned about my mother, who lives alone out in the country in another state. She does not want to come and live with me, and I couldn't afford a place with space for her, anyway. She is 72 and doesn't have friends or anyone really who ever visit her, so she is very isolated and depressed. She told me tonight she could die and not be discovered for days. She's had a few mild strokes and has COPD, not to mention PTSD. It's not easy for me to get to her for a visit, and we have no other family to help. Neither of us have a lot of money. I feel like she needs someone in her area to frequently check in on her, at the very least. I am at the very beginning of this process of seeking help for her, and I have no idea where to start. She lives in central Texas, and I live in Washington state. Can anyone point me in the right direction with this?
My daughter is concerned about me. She would like me to live closer to her. I can't possibly afford anywhere near where she lives. I am a little too far away for her to visit me easily. And - yes, although I wouldn't say it in her hearing, it has crossed my mind to wonder how long it would be before anyone noticed I wasn't around, and especially how long before they became sufficiently concerned to do anything about it, and especially now that I don't have my dog any more.
But here's the thing. I have three children, and I am as confident as anyone can be that they love and care about me very much.
But healthy, well-adjusted adult children do not stay closely involved in their parents' lives. It is a GOOD thing that they are grown, gone and thriving elsewhere. That means that you have succeeded as a mother.
And the corollary of that is that a sensible older adult does not base her emotional wellbeing on the involvement of her children. She looks around her, and thinks 'what next?'
We on the forum have been discussing 'building a good retirement age' - to try to name the topic; and the BBC is currently making a big thing of the whole subject of loneliness - they've surveyed 55,000 people with the aim of addressing what is an increasingly difficult and damaging social issue. It might be worth looking it up (though I must admit I tend to turn the radio *off*, there's only so much concern and positivity I can take in one 24-hour period) because there is a lot of material and shared experience there.
So, where does all that leave you? What I'm saying is that you are very important to your mother, and she I'm sure loves you as much as ever, and knowing that you love and care about her does matter.
But you cannot solve this for her. The changes she needs to make have to come from her. You can research, you can suggest, you can care. But you can't do it for her.