My husband has been caregiver for his 92-year old mother who has dementia for over 9 years. She no longer gets out of bed to go to the bathroom on her own, so I purchased the sturdy bed pads and adult diapers that nursing homes use. These contain the constant mess quite well, but my MIL has taken to digging in her diaper and smearing poop under the mats, sometimes even under her sheets or the mattress pad. This morning she had put a pile of poop under her pillow and was sleeping on it. She smears herself and whatever she can touch with poop. When put on the toilet, she poops in her hand and flings it at us. My husband is an only child and refuses to consider a nursing home for his mother or hospice or more assistance than the caregiver who comes in for a couple of hours mornings to shower and dress his mother. The situation has become unbearable. Has anyone else dealt with this? Suggestions?
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As for using the toilet, someone needs to stay with her and prevent her from doing that - giving her something to keep her hands busy may help.
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As far as the toilet goes, either she's accompanied to and from each toilet visit, or, she wears the Depends exclusively. Watch some Teepa Snow videos on YouTube to see how to best handle this situation. Dementia sufferers are very difficult to handle. Perhaps your husband should become the 24/7 caregiver to HIS mother now that she's doing all of these things and he's refusing to place her in Memory Care.
At the very least, sit down WITH Dh and watch as many Teepa Snow videos as you can........she's funny, smart and very, very informative about the challenges caregivers face with dementia.
Good luck!