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I'm having a hard time dealing with the repetition of questions. I can tell my mother something and two seconds later she is asking the same question. I know I need to be patient but it is really wearing on my nerves especially since I get no sleep anymore.

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Are you there with her 24/7? If so, you need to get a break and a good night's sleep.
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Rogerwyatt7890 Apr 2, 2024
Yes 24/7. Been here 4 months and it seems like 2 years.
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Roger,

Do you have help with caregiving? You sound exhausted.

This is too big of a job for one person. Look into hiring additional help for your mom.

Is mom in your home or are you living in her home? Tell us about your situation.
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Rogerwyatt7890 Apr 2, 2024
I'm currently living with her in a huge house. Too much for me to handle. I miss my family. I had to idea what I was in for when I took her home instead of placing her when she left the hospital. I don't know what I was thinking. This house is so much to care for. Dad did everything. Recently her housekeeper quit and the lawn guy quit, etc. Its just overwhelming. Today the social service guy came over and she had no idea who he was. He has been here 8 times. She even asked me who my dad was. That was devastating. She spent most of dad's retirement so I'm seeking help but searching ideas and ways to pay for foster care or something. Sorry just mumbling.
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With all your questions today, you're obviously way over your head with your mothers care.
Your mother has dementia, so of course she's going to ask the same question over and over, as her brain is broken and she can't help it.
It sounds like you need to better educate yourself about the horrible disease of dementia so you can be better prepared for what lies ahead as she will only get worse.
And it's probably past time that she needs to be placed in a memory care facility where she will receive the 24/7 care she requires and you can get back to just being her son and advocate, and actually get a good nights sleep.
If you're not careful you will be in the 40% of caregivers that will die before the one they're caring for with dementia from stress related issues.
I'm sure your mother would not want that to happen now would she?
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Rogerwyatt7890 Apr 2, 2024
I have been in the medical field for over 40 years and am well educated on dementia. It is different though when the roles change and you become the care provider for your parent leaving behind the rest of the family and the care for yourself. Sorry so many questions. I will stop because everyone is getting annoyed. This is new to me so asking questions helps but I guess people get weird about it. I will stop posting.
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If you could think of a very visible place for your mother to see perhaps write in large print her questions and then your answer. I would start as simply as possible. Write down 3 questions she asks about the most. Then give your answer. A large legal yellow pad would be best. Try to tape this pad if possible in an area she is often in. I know this won't change her condition but maybe she could look at this and have the information she is seeking.

I did this with my late MIL. In retrospect I realize I left the pad on a table in her small room at an AL facility that she forgot to frequently look at but if I had taped the pad to the wall next to the bathroom I think it might have helped.

Anyway just a thought. Hope you get some help with your situation.
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Rogerwyatt7890 Apr 2, 2024
Thanks so much I appreciate your comment.
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Roger,
Watch Teepa Snow videos for a little bit of info on the mind with dementia.
This repetition is one of the most common effects of the disease as is disturbed sleep patterns, paranoia, etc.

The internet is your friend here. There are just tons of things about dementia.

A good diagnosis from neuro psyc evaluation will tell you what kind of dementia Mom may have and it's important to know that the dementia vary a whole LOT. Some have more angry outburst and moments that are either better or worse. Some have a whole lot of hallucination and are very real for the patients. They vary a whole lot.
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If you are financial POA, sell moms big house to finance her life in Memory Care Assisted Living. If you are her medical POA, you can place her in Memory Care Assisted Living w/o her agreeing to it. Obviously she has ADVANCED dementia and needs placement now. Speak to a certified elder care attorney about all of this. Immediately. You need help, that's where you'll get it. The CELA will guide you accordingly.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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24/7 isn't sustainable, as you probably concluded yourself. You need to find a way to step back before you start losing your health, including mental health. You doing the 24/7 care thing is NOT the only solution available for your mother's care, and while other avenues may seem more complicated to pursue, you have to. You may not think that these other options are 100% perfect/satisfactory compared to you always being there, but they're better than you killing yourself over this. And this is me talking to my past self, not just you.
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Hi Roger, I know what you are going through and I’m sorry. What I do when My Mom gets into a repetitive cycle is to answer her a few times with short simple answers. If it continues I move on to distraction with a snack, music channel on tv, or a magazine or book to look at. When all else fails, I take her for a ride in the car. You’ll hopefully find what works with your Mom to break the cycle. I hope something I’ve mentioned helps.
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Reply to lmh1973
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So what was the original plan?

To move in to provide supervision/assistance after a hospital stay? Until Mother was 'back on her feet'?

"I had to idea what I was in for when I took her home instead of placing her when she left the hospital".

That's OK. You tried it. Call that Plan A.

Now you DO have a very clear idea of how much care she (& the house/grounds) need.

So now you can make changes.
Move to Plan B.
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Reply to Beatty
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I hear you. I also am going through exactly the same thing. I am a nurse of 20 years. My parents moved in with me unbeknownst to me 2yrs ago. My 84yr old father fell off a ladder on labor day wknd 2023. Ended up with a crainiotomy( brain bleed), ICU for months,subacute for 1month, back to hospital for 3broken vertebraes, so needed spinal fusion and lastly dealing with dementia which has progressed with the TBI. My mother whom is 82 is now getting tested for dementia. They are 24/7 care. I have not worked since September 2023. My life has been placed on hold with zero help from my brother. Now that's another issue. . I appreciate this forum because I now know I'm not the only one with all these crazy feelings. It's easy to say do this and that but every situation is different and as caregivers I feel we are the only one that can make that choice for your own situation. Everyday is always different. I know that I get inpatient alot and that's when I know I just need to step back for a minute. I feel guilty but I always come back and do what needs to be done because I love my parents so much. Good luck to everyone!
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Reply to Bestrong
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Yes,I think it is normal. My husband had dementia, then Alzheimers. Same questions or comments all day long.
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Reply to JosAgingCare
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Roger, I really feel for you. Taking care of demented family member is really hard, but I'm sure you have the stamina to do it, despite feeling going backwards. I know it is hard to leave your loved one, but I suggest looking for a local caregiving group that meets several times a month, that you can join to get out of the house, and listen to others and how they handle situations. I ended up hiring a caregiver for a few hours so I could attend a caregiver's group and can get a break once in a while. When that worked, and I knew I could afford another few hours, I went to lunch with the girls. Yes, he wondered where I went; Then he didn't remember, or even know I left the house. Slept most of the time. I never left him alone after a while as it was too dangerous--I thought he'd go out "to the store", or something and get killed by a car. Since I didn't smoke or drink, I felt I could spend the money on a caregiver once a month or so. It really helped me to focus on taking care of myself, too. It's not a sin to do this.
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The only thing that worked for me was distraction. I would ask a totally unrelated question and get her focused on another subject. Sometimes that would solicit another “loop” but it did give me some relief. She had favorite topics like her favorite Andy Griffith show or her favorite plant. That would take her down a different bunny trail for a little while. But…let’s be honest, it is difficult for everyone that has loved ones with dementia.
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Rover, my chiropractor told me that his college boarding house was run by a woman that had her demented dad living with them, the entire house would answer the repeated questions differently each time, the gentleman didn't know any different and it kept the boys entertained. You should try this, otherwise, you are going to get sick yourself from all the nonsense your mom pulls.

Be creative and have some fun with the answers.
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Reply to Isthisrealyreal
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If there are certain things that are always prompting her to ask and ask and ask questions, see if you can find a way to "solve" those questions. For example, I used to write everyone's plans on a big calendar in the kitchen. Mom decided studying it multiple times a day and asking me questions over and over again was a fun way to spend her time. I decided to not write ANYTHING on that calendar anymore! That problem solved. I don't tell her anything about any plans she needs to know about until the last minute. Less days to ask about it.

Also come up with standard and vague answers to the questions. Don't really engage, keep it high level and move on. I don't know is a valid answer. As is I'm not sure or I'll look into it (and hope she forgets about it).

I understand your frustration - hence my name of againx100 - she was looping and driving me NUTS!

Good luck.
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Reply to againx100
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I use a hand held battery recording machine for the over and over questions. It does not stop them from repeatedly asking the same question but it helps me from being exhausted answering the same questions over and over.
Peter
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With momma I don't know if it is the dementia loop or just momma? She has always been liked this. It is like she is talking about my sister or my brother's family, financial or personal problems and then the next time I talk to her we talk again about those same problems again, again, and again. She is on anxiety meds that helps but its like once she gets something in her head there is no way you can convince or explain it to her otherwise. I try to change the subject or whatever - does not do any good. You cannot get her to get off of the subject. What I have to do is just tell her in a firm way I do not want to talk about it! It is a little harsh but she will drive you up the wall and back down again. She does not believe what I tell her anyway. I can tell her something about a subject that we are talking about and then my brother will tell her the exact same thing. She will believe my brother not me.
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Reply to akababy7
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I feel for you and totally understand. In the beginning and middle stages my mom did this every day. All DAY LONG. I have bald spots on my head from the stress. She’s at moderate late stage and no longer asks the same question over and over because she’s unable to remember things enough to ask about them anymore. It may lessen as time progresses.
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