Mom Has six months to live. Pancreatic cancer. Now she is nice. If only she had been like this years ago. Why does it take impending death to make us realize we are going to die and we should love each other every day of our lives?
She seems surprised we are all rallying around her. Of course, we are nice people. But she is not. Has been hurtful in the past. Wasted many years being spiteful and vindictive. What a waste.
I am having a really difficult time dealing with the change and knowing she should have been this ways for years. Especially toward me.
How many of us think we are living forever? How many know to love everyday?
anotherperfectdaughter.wordpress/2015/03/23/elusive-forgiveness/
anotherperfectdaughter.wordpress/2015/02/23/hurt-people/
"Elusive Forgiveness" (anotherperfectdaughter.wordpress/2015/03/23/elusive-forgiveness/)
"Why Hurt People Hurt People" (anotherperfectdaughter.wordpress/2015/02/23/hurt-people/)
Have you spoken to your mom about her behavior in the past? Tell her how it made you feel. She may know she didn't behave appropriately but she may not realize how it made you feel. It will help you if you haven't do so.
You only have one mother, no matter what has happened in the past and she won't be around for long. I know from personal experience letting go isn't easy. If she is on Hospice, you can speak with their social worker who may be able to speak to you about this issue. I think you may want to explore why your mom was this way, was it from stress, were times difficult money wise, was someone ill, was she a single parent? Maybe she had dreams that were unfilled, or wasn't ready to have children but it happened anyway. I'm assuming she raised you and siblings, so she must have loved you in her own way. Parents are just people, we make mistakes, do things we regret, snap at our children when we are stressed etc. You do the best you can do to forgive, not forget because you will never forget, but with forgiveness you will be better able to deal with your mom. When we face our own mortality, I think it makes us think about our past actions and lost dreams. Knowing you don't have a lot of time left, I would think you would want to make amends or at least apologize for past hurtful behaviors. I'm hoping you will be able to work through this before she passes. I'm sorry she was the way she was, I'm not excusing it. As people we can only do what we can do with the skills we have at that point in time. Not everyone knows what to do or how to react, because we're human we make mistakes. Good Luck.
Take care,
Carol