My mother is in the mid stage of dementia. Long term memory is still fair to good, but short term memory is non-existent. She had a medical emergency and had to have surgery, a hernia that caused a bowel obstruction. The doctors have noticed her declined mental state and are doing everything they can to assist me. I have no POA etc so cannot make decisions for her care. They have recommended Physical Therapy upon release from the hospital to get her strength back up, and mostly to give it a "trial run" so to speak. My sister is furious that the Doctors will not talk to her, Mom never listed her as a person that they could talk to. She feels she should have equal say, she wants to call and pester everyone to confirm all I say is true, but she has yet to make the 3 hour drive to see how mom is doing. She blames me for the Doctors not talking to her and says I want to control everything. Has anyone else ever dealt with a family member like this? Any advice? I have gotten to the point I will not speak to her at all, I let her hear info second hand because I do not want to argue, but I know that is not right either. Any suggestions would be helpful. :)
See an attorney who specializes in Elder Law and get advice as to whether Guardian is the best course to pursue at this point. If Sis is going to fight that, you might wind up with a third party appointed. Don't go in saying "I want Guardianship" but asking what the best course would be.
If Mom really is incompetent to the point she cannot understand the concept of POA, then she is not competent to live alone. So doing rehab as a "trial run" for living in a care center might be an excellent move.
Caring for a demented or chronically ill loved one is extremely hard. It is made much harder by not having family support or even having conflict with family. Hang in there! Keep Mother's best interests in mind, and try not to let your bad sib relationships interfere with that goal.
No, mom can't go home and have rehab,sis. She'd need to have 24/7 care and mom can't afford that. But Medicare will pay in full for 20 days of in facility tehab. Let's do that and see where we are on 20 days".
Under no circumstances move in with mom or allow sis to move in with mom.
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