I know my Mom is showboating and down playing things that are going on.
I'm hurt for her that she can't see that her relatives aren't helping because they don't want to, not because she is telling them not to.
If they are letting me handle it because 'she's my mama' and it's all on me, that's an extremely poor excuse.
I've chosen not to talk to them. I am not going to tell them what I really feel about where she is going, to that newly redone apartment.
She down plays any 'help' I give her.
So, I told her today: the first night you spend in the apartment will be your moving out of my house. I will take whatever else she has here to her, there will be no need to come back.
I am second guessing myself but I can't keep being pulled back and forth with this. She is also trying to make me feel like I am kicking her out.
This is all so f*d up.
When she loses her phone, and I can't reach her, then what???
Now she lives across town and my relatives aren't going to see to her anymore than they have while she's here.
She has new appliances, thermostat and so forth that are fairly easy for me to use but it will take time for me to program, meanwhile she is harping on me saying I will get somebody to do it...so on and so on and so on.
The kicker is-there is my brothers house-all the extra stuff (furniture, etc) she is leaving there and moving it as she pleases.
I'm just WORRIED that the new neighbors in her old neighbor (apartment complex) don't know her and she has no filters.
If she would just stay in my brothers house, it would be so much easier on me, and possibly the relatives. But alas, she wants access to BOTH places to do as she pleases. Which from what I can tell...is not very much at all-physically.
I know I should be thrilled she is finally moving out, but why am I still worrying so much and do I just turn my back and turn off the fear I have for her safety and let it go?
I hate the place she is moving back to. I don't think she's really like it either. But she's got to be stubborn and she has the support of doing that.
I am so sorry that you are struggling with her and her meanness towards you.
RB, you have been a daughter that any mom would be proud to have, you have helped her in so many ways and you so desire her love and approval, it is not you, it is her. She can't give you what you are working so hard to get. Please try to come to terms with the fact that something is missing in HER and not you. Nothing you do can change that or fix it in any way, you are spending energy on a lost cause. Please, please find a way to accept that you are not what she makes you feel like you are.
You can't care more about her than she does herself, it is destroying you.
Let her go and do whatever she wants to do and you start taking care of you.
You matter and you deserve to have peace and joy and happiness in your life, please find people and activities that heal you and build you up. Great big hug!
Whatever happens to her is the direct consequences of her choices, remember that.
One day at a time, right? Sending you a big HUG!
I don't know if she was blowing smoke or what. I just don't know. I'm going to play it by ear at this point and hope for the best.
You can't change Mom, you can change you. You have told her she can't return stick by that. If you don't, she will just walk all over you.
Now, take a deep breath and start ur new life.
take care and hugs to everyone :)