My mother (87) fractured her pelvis in August. After 2 weeks in the hospital, she was in rehab for 8 weeks and currently home in a hospital bed for nearly 6 weeks. She was not cleared to put any weight on her left leg until a few weeks ago, so any PT has been very slow and painful. My dad has been caring for her, using a combo of paid-for VNA services and private care (8 hours/wk).
She apparently had two "episodes" of talking nonsense. Not garbled, more of a word salad which appears to be consistent with dementia. That freaked him out, but it has not happened since 11/23/23. (I understand this can be a symptom of a UTI).
I think the likelihood of her being able to get in and out of wheelchair, unassisted, with her level of strength is zero. She was very weak to begin with, and had a fall earlier this year (legs just give out) and now bedridden for 4 months. I am beyond greatful for VNA support, but that won't last much longer.
My dad expressed concern about how to pay for her care outside of their home. He is under the assumption that going to AL/NH means "they take all your money". My parents have about $40K in liquid accounts, and then the biggest asset is their house.
One of the issues is that my father does not want to go to AL with my mother, although she probably needs a NH now. He is also reluctant to sell the house, because of the work involved. I hope the attorney steers him in that direction... it does not involve "spending down their money", frees up money for mom's care, and a condo or apt. for him.
I can't attend the meeting next week, and would appreciate your advice. FYI, they live in MA, which apparently is HIGH on the scale for NH costs.
While there is still time, talk to your father about including you in a zoom call or a conference call
Dad needs to be reassured that selling the house can be accomplished without killing himself in the process. BUT - I'm sure he's attached to the place and you'll meet with resistance all the way.
As for assisted living taking all his money, who knows. Someone needs to take care of his wife. He needs to step up and take responsibility for finding a place where professional caregivers can do that. He also needs to be realistic about his own situation. Clearly mom will never be able to take care of him. If he doesn't go to AL and gets sick, who will? He'd better start understanding that!
Good luck, I hope it goes well.
He is kind of "stepping up", just very reluctantly. He can't force my mother into AL or NH (that's what he tells me).
For years he has been saying "we'll cross that bridge when we come to it" and avoid any kind of discussion or planning which has created so much stress and worry for me. I worry about them both, and I am also very frustrated.
Best wishes.
I sure wish you luck and hope you will update us on what you learn. You are likely correct that Mom will require some placement, and that division of assets is crucial now to save what can be saved here. With this much in assets the money will go very very quickly once any care is needed. The home came of course be saved until both have passed, even if Medicaid care is needed eventually for both. There will be Medicaid recovery on the home after its sale.l
Best to you. Call that atttorney today.
With facilities costing at a minimum 4K a mo for AL on the lowest of the low side to 20K for private pay for a SNF, paying for a CR to do a transcript for you will be worthwhile. And they may charge you less as it’s not legal for a trial or a deposition.
Can you update us on how this meeting went with your Dad and attorney, and if he was helped? Were you able to attend by zoom or speak with the attorney and your Dad?
Hospice does not ALWAYS mean 6 months or fewer. After my Husband fractured his hip he was on Hospice for almost 3 years. (He also had dementia)
But with Hospice I got a Nurse that would come in and check on him weekly.
I got a CNA 2 to 3 times a week.
I got all the supplies I needed to care for him (incontinent supplies, gloves, creams, ointments, medications)
I got the equipment that I needed to care for him (Hospital bed with an alternating pressure mattress, wheelchair then later a Broda Chair, Sit-To-Stand, then a Hoyer Lift all delivered to the house and set up.)
And if I needed anything I could call 24/7.
What I could not do was call 911 for transport to the hospital. (I did call 911 for Lift Assist)
All that was covered by Medicare (Hospice is also covered by Medicaid and most other insurance)
Let Hospice be an option to help with some things. (If she is not progressing with PT It will not be covered after a certain point and Hospice does not cover PT but it can be paid for "out of pocket")
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