Sometimes the remarks hit me hard and leave me reeling for hours and I get into fear as I really don't know where I'll go after, so that contributes to my insecurities. I seem to be kinda super sensitive right now. What I am wanting from others is empathy, support, encouragement. cadams
The best thing for you to do is realize that most people mean well, and aren't really trying to piss you off. Don't feel you have to rebut every comment, just say Thank you for your thoughts. I appreciate your prayers. We will miss her when she's gone.
I'm sorry that you are having to go through this and that it is causing you distress. While we will be going through a similar situation, no one is having the exact process you and your family are. You have my sympathy. (Hugs)
But it depends how patient you're prepared to be, and whether the person saying something clumsy or tasteless is worth the trouble of a second thought. The handful of people who really pissed me off I just gave a "look" and they went away; or if you're on the phone try the flat contradiction - e.g. "mom is in a better place" "no, not really." Or just tut and move the conversation on.
And then, in your best 'church lady' voice tell them thanks for sharing.
No one really knows what to say.
I am sorry that both parents have died, Luckylu. Be as strong for yourself as possible, and come here to AC when you want. You are a part of a community that cares.
My sig other carries all the deaths in his family on his shoulders daily... if you ask him about someone in his family the first thing he will talk about is the last week of that person's life, even if that person passed on decades years ago.... my gosh, I couldn't imaging spending 80 some years on this earth only for a son to talk about that last 5 days of it, and nothing more. But that is how his family reacts.
Even this evening, sig other was saying don't be surprised if the next phone call you get is a serious issue with my parents [they are in their mid-90's]. Yes, Mr. Positive, let's keep putting the negative spin on EVERYTHING.
Fine mess people get themselves into. We see it here all the time. Someone decides, "hey, I'm going to move in with mom and take care of her. Won't need a job because I'll basically be living for free. In the beginning, I think it sounds pretty cool.
And then the months grind by . . . Caregiving becomes darned near impossible for one person. Yet the caregiver is sort of stuck. No job. No savings. No place to live outside of mom's house. Trapped.
And then moms journey begins winding down. Now what? The caregiver is going to lose their loved one...a way of life...a place to live. Relatives that figure you can just pick up your life from where you left off.
Very much easier said than done. Scary.
Sometimes the people I am cutting out are relatives or people who have some good qualities, but right now they are not worth it. Also there are some intelligent, kind people out there that don't say a lot of stupid things. I hope you run across some.