I care for both my elderly parents. Recently we received the news that my dad's only living sibling passed away in Italy. I am not sure how to break the news to him since he’s been very emotional and anxious lately. My mom has been dealing with a very delicate health issue and she’s been in and out of the hospital. This has caused a lot of stress for my dad.
I was talking to his doctor and she believes he’s at the beginning stages of dementia. Besides this condition, he’s in fairly good health.
Some people told me I should avoid him the grief and not say anything at all. However, I do feel an obligation to tell him and besides my uncle will be coming to Florida soon to spend some time with us. Obviously he will be coming alone!
My aunt was very close to us and I know my dad will not take the news well... Does anyone have any suggestions for me?
Thanks!
I would tell him of the death. Perhaps wait for a calm period, or until he has been on anxiety meds for a while, but definitely before he would expect to hear from her. I would tell him once. If he brings up his sister after that ("I wonder why Sis hasn't written this month?") I would say something noncommittal and change the subject. Hitting him with a death announcement over and over seems unintentionally cruel. But not telling him at all is also not respectful.
This is a very difficult topic. However you decide to handle it, don't second-guess if you did right ... there often aren't "right" answers in dealing with dementia.
His brother was in another country and they seldom spoke. Dad was hard of hearing, phone conversations were not very effective.
I wanted to tell him while i the hospital in case it caused a physical reaction.
This is one of the few decisions of his care I came to regret. It made him very sad.
My fear was that some extended family member would have come to pay condolences and he would feel betrayed, if I had not told him.
Whatever you decide is OK, there is no right or wrong only difficult choices made from a position of love.
Good luck,
L