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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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You wife is likely well aware that something is wrong, but she is, understandably, in denial. I'm assuming she has had a complete physical and an official diagnosis, so the doctor should be the one to tell her, with you there to support her. Then talk about options to help slow symptoms - the sooner the better. Take care, Carol
As Carol said, if she has had an official diagnosis, the doctor should be the one to tell her. Even after the doctor told my mother she denied that there was anything wrong and flushed the Aricept down the toilet. Others I've spoken with have had similar things happen with their loved one. Acceptance often comes in stages (and sometimes not at all).
Some families said that having a family meeting to discuss the diagnosis and to begin preparing (as much as possible) for the future helped. Many had the meeting WITHOUT the person present (especially if they were still in denial). For other families, having the person present helped. By hearing and knowing they would be taken care of ~ and being able to give their input and thoughts on the type of care they want ~ helped them accept the diagnosis.
When my wife asked me what was wrong with her, I gently said she was having problems because of dementia. On questioning I told her this was the Doctor's diagnosis. I don't dwell on the diagnosis because that's no help. The difficult part is when she asks me how she will get better. I tell her that scientists are working on it, but in the meantime she can rely on me to look after her and the doctor has presribed meds. Her attention span is very short, and that makes these difficult discussion easier for her . . . but not for me.
Like the others have said I would have the Dr tell her, but I would be with her if I were you. She is aware that something is wrong. Reassure her and do what you can to comfort her. l would also encourage you to have a discussion about what she wants and does not want, if you have not had it before. Talk about what her wishes are as far as feeding tube and other issues like that. I do wish you well! I want to encourage you to read, there are lots of really good books available and get involved in a support group, take care of you too...
Yes, she has the right to know and prepare herself, perhaps she might have some information to share with her family before she can no longer remembers.
Something NOT to do is try to hammer it home. To what end? I'm not saying you'd do this, but my mother goes around telling my father and anyone else she can corner, how incapacitated he is. It's all about how hard life is on HER. I'm not exaggerating and it took me years before I was willing to say this but bottom line she wants him to abase himself and other people to tell her how sorry they are for her. It's so stressful it's making him worse -- effectively, she's gaslighting him. It's cruel and frankly abusive.
that is cruel... he did not do anything wrong and it is not his fault... I would really encourage you to try to get her to stop treating him that way... take care J
Dirk I'm pretty much in the same boat. He just refuses to accept it. Says the doctors are just out for the money - they're not doing him any good.. Haven't gotten in touch with any support groups yet - but think the time is coming.
It's a difficult situation, but the question is simply stated, and has a simple answer. Use English. Believe me, telling her this once will not be enough. Get used to telling her when she asks you again and again why she can't remember things. Find your peace with God's will for this person. Treat the condtition if you can, but your only options are to either tell her or conceal from her that she has Alzheimer's. It would be nice if you had a third option, but it'a a binary reality. Pick one. And gather some support for yourself. The road ahead is going to be very hard to walk. God Bless you. Good luck.
First of all I'm sorry this is happening to you, my dad died of this disease, actually complications of, pneumonia set in. Is she coherent enough to be told? Do you think it'll matter. There are meds for early onset which might help, talk to your doctor. In the end only you can decide what's best. I know they're very impatient in the beginning and saying stuff well it's your illness, or your disease she'd probably argue that there's nothing wrong with her. There are support groups available, check your local hospital. Important thing in early stages is not to have her left alone, things like wandering or leaving the stove on is what made my Mom put Dad in a nursing home. Striking back when redirected also happens. It's going to be tough, patience and family support is very important. Don't force her to do anything she doesn't want to, she'll want to be in charge as long as she can, even the simpliest things as what time to eat or eat at all. If she is hospitalized there are social workers, etc. to assist you.
That's a hard one! At what stage is the Alzheimers? Is she where she can still understand what is going on? If it were me, I think I would rely on the doctor but please make sure you are present! She may not remember that she has it after she is told, depends on the stage she is in. Do you have other family that could be there with you & your wife? This is sad & sending hug!
I agree with the other answers probably a support group for you would be wise and I am sure she knows there is something wrong and now there are meds that help a lot. The person who's mother is giving the husband a hard time needs to be stopped at once he does not need any more stress I would tell her if she does not clean up her act he will have to be placed which would probably mean going on medicaide and believe me she does not want to go there the -well- spouse gets left dirt poor and she probably would have to give up her home and then where would she live if the facts are given to her it might make her think twice what she is doing to that poor man -that is abuse pure and simple and not uncommon I am afraid. Do whatever you have to do to spare him from anymore of this treatment. Ronald Reagen had ALZ and his wife did everything she could to make his last years as good as possible.
My mom finally asked her doctor, "Is there a name for my memory sickness?" He replied,"It's called dementia and there are medicines that will help you." She said, "Well, I'm not going to let it get me down!" I imagine she forgot or suppressed those words, because I had to remind her again about a year later. She didn't know she had it.
She doesn't mention the illness and we don't either, but do comfort her when she gets frustrated with her memory or speech. She's probably had it 7-8 years and is still very functional, but needs assistance in many things. She signed a living trust and DPOA while she still understood what it meant. Best of luck to you with your wife. I also encourage you to read several books on the subject, and pray a lot!
Hi--This is a difficult situation-and I would have your Mom's doctor/neurologist be the one to tell her. I am assuming that she has gone thru the standard testing for this as well-as their are other things that can possibly mimic AD...Once you are sure of the diagnosis-the next step would probably be to have her on a medication regimin. I would also be in contact with your local chapter of the Alzheimer's Association-or call them at the 24/7 helpline # (800) 272-3900....The more you learn about this disease-and the possible changes in your Mom's behavior--the better off you will be. I have personally been thru this scenerio with my Mom-and just sharing my experiences. Best to you on this journey~And PLEASE get back to me or the others in this forum-with all updates and questions. Hap
Hi again--I did not realize it is your wife with the disease---I would do the same---and in addition there is a great webite called- The Alzheimer's Spouse-which you probaly can relate to-they even have a message board to post your question. Hap
It is your doctors responsibility to tell your wife, because she will have questions and questions you are not equipted to answer. My moms doc told her with my dad present. You have to trust your doc! My best wishes and when things are bad try to remember its not your wife doing somethings its the disease that is making her do those things.
I cant respond -this is a answer for the pro's. It is the consyant anxiety in my head also. One day I cried on her shoulder -and she couldnt understand why. BUT the sense of humor is a key.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Take care,
Carol
Some families said that having a family meeting to discuss the diagnosis and to begin preparing (as much as possible) for the future helped. Many had the meeting WITHOUT the person present (especially if they were still in denial). For other families, having the person present helped. By hearing and knowing they would be taken care of ~ and being able to give their input and thoughts on the type of care they want ~ helped them accept the diagnosis.
Best of luck and warm hugs ~ Patti
she might have some information to share with her family before she can no longer remembers.
She doesn't mention the illness and we don't either, but do comfort her when she gets frustrated with her memory or speech. She's probably had it 7-8 years and is still very functional, but needs assistance in many things. She signed a living trust and DPOA while she still understood what it meant. Best of luck to you with your wife. I also encourage you to read several books on the subject, and pray a lot!
Best to you on this journey~And PLEASE get back to me or the others in this forum-with all updates and questions.
Hap
Hap