My sis is in her 80's and I am the only person she trusts to be her executrix; she has 3 children but she doesn't feel any one of them would be good alternatives.
She lives an extremely dysfunctional life. No money, lots of bills, but has a lot of expensive jewelry and "things". Doesn't trust her husband either. What has changed my mind is that we live 3 hours apart and it would be difficult for me to fulfill all the obligations. She wants to update her trust and is supposed to be working on that (we saw an attorney 11 months ago) but she doesn't get around to doing the cataloging of who she wants to get specific things. There will most likely be a lot of family competition therefore a lot of stress. Her husband is controlling, manipulative, and revengeful if he doesn't get his way. There is so much more to this family's sad, sad dynamics-too many to include in this conversation. At this point, I don't feel I can do all that would be required and the stress for me would also be huge but I feel guilty in that I will be letting her down. Suggestions please.
How would that do?
I have been asked to be an executrix, and then situations changed and I was told I no longer needed to handle an estate. I wasn't offended, I was relieved. It's a HUGE job and no matter how well you do your job......you will make people angry.
These things are notoriously fluid, so stepping out when you already feel overwhelmed is better than having to stress over what sounds like a real drama. She can appoint an attorney and leave you be.
My hubby was executor of his father's estate. He took no compensation at all. He gave in to his sibs on EVERYTHING. We still inherited some money, but all in all, it was a huge nightmare and I wish it hadn't been his problem.
Inform the heirs to the estate you do not want to be executor. The family must find another person to oversee the estate.
Step 2
Visit the probate court where the proceedings are taking place. Request a Renunciation of Executor form.
Step 3
Complete the form. The exact format varies by area, but the form generally requests the city or town the person died in, date of death, date of will and your name.
Step 4
Sign and date the form in front of a notary public.
Step 5
File the document in probate court. You are released from the obligation once the court approves the filing.
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» How to Decline Being a Will Executor After a Death
How to Decline Being a Will Executor After a Death
Also, a sad but true note. "Stuff" has a way of being given away or walking off long before the person dies should they get dementia etc. This could be good or bad depending on where it goes. So a regular updating of the will would be in order. I know, not your problem if you decline. Just saying the problem might have pretty much resolved itself by her death if she starts downsizing now. Good luck.