I've been thinking about this question since my Mom died, 8 months ago. I've come on this site now and then since Mom's death. I'm still very grief stricken, missing her so much every day. I see things written about the problems, the frustrations, the anguish that caregiving entails. I recall my own previous posts, asking for input on this, that, and the other. Hindsight is always an eye opener. I wish I would've done this better, and that better, been less impatient, had told Mom more often about what a great Mom she was to me, etc. etc. It goes on and on. Even though I mostly lovingly cared for Mom as best I could, I know now I could've done better. But at the time, going through the daily routine of caregiving, I was in the moment...just not aware of how suddenly it would come to a screeching halt (which happened in my scenario), and I would never get the chance for a "do-over." The finality is horrible. I want to grab her back. What would you think you would feel when your person is gone? Will it be relief? Freedom? Emptiness? Sadness? What do you think you may wish you could've/would've done differently? Maybe you could be lucky enough to do some of those things now, while you can, instead of thinking sadly, "if only I had her back for a little while longer."
I learned that it was not healthy for me to deny the grief, or try to pretend it wasn't important.
The best advice I found was from the booklet "Experiencing Grief" by H. Norman Wright. In the middle of the booklet he drew a simple illustration of what happens when a person is in "denial" of the grief in their heart. All sorts of bad feelings sprout from that person's denial, and it can end up hurting the people around them.
BUT I have no regrets regarding my caregiving.. Mom is loved and respected by me and I KNOW I am doing my best...
It's my siblings who will have to answer to their conscious!!
I hope that soon you will have nothing but good thoughts about your mother and you at an earlier time of life. Hugs hugs and more hugs.
You never know what you have until it's gone and the one thing caregiving does is take away your freedom. I look forward to having my freedom. To come and go as I please with no more worry. Yes, I will miss Mom, but I look forward to a new day for me.
I do think that I will miss my dad more since we have a better relationship than my mother and I had. My dad always wanted me to an all American boy.
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