How do you handle paranoia and claims of theft with someone who cannot be distracted nor redirected? Who wants to be right, not reassured?
We are rural, isolated, and my mother’s granny flat is next to our house. She is having delusions of theft, almost daily, for a year, lab results unremarkable, Dr against psych meds (eyeing a new Dr when COVID19 ends) as she’s already on Prozac, we’ve installed a camera, window locks, have giant dogs, etc. So she has determined we let others make copies of her keys, they know how to disable the camera and the dogs ignore her part of the yard. Almost every day she storms into my house because some trivial thing’s been stolen. Never her wallet, keys, glasses... never loses those. A bowl, scissors, a notebook, a pillowcase, slippers... When I offer to help look she angers, insists that her items are STOLEN, not missing, and, when I assure her I and everyone else misplaces stuff too, she angers even more. Fumes when I find anything. Incredible confabulation follows. She’s rummaging, dumping every drawer, box, etc, and repacking all the time. I’ve offered to help her sort or put things away. We are unable to distract or redirect her. She remembers day after day what’s been stolen and the list lengthens. Even after I find items they’re considered to have been stolen and returned. She becomes very agitated when we try to redirect or distract her. She’ll swear items aren’t hers. I fear that, if we put her in asst living, she’ll be very stressed with so many “thieves” around, plus she’d be unable to take all her stuff. She refuses all care, except from me. Because she becomes so angry when I find items, I’m considering trying “So sorry to hear that’s missing.” but it feels cruel. It seems as if she’d rather be right that they’ve been stolen and mourn the loss than get them back. My family and I are so frustrated. We really want her to feel safe and relaxed. Suggestions? Thank you.
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For your mother's situation, if it helps her calm down, then you should just agree with her. It's not cruel in my opinion. Tell her she should report to the police or you'll call the police for her tomorrow. Of course, you won't do such thing, it's just to stall and calm her down.
As for the doctor who is against psych med, is s/he recommending an alternative way to help your mother?
for all concerned. I had a good friend who died of Alz a few years ago. She had the same problem with three small vintage purses she prized. She would hide them from herself. Then get angry. Her DIL would find notes where she had written out exactly who had been in her home and it was clear who she thought was taking her things and of course that wasn’t the case and was painful for the accused. Nothing would convince her that she was wrong. Often as the condition worsens, they lose interest in that problem and go onto the next. I know a year is a long time with this issue.
I assume she has been checked for a UTI? That was one of my friends problems. She had them often and would have to be hospitalized. Some doctors don’t understand about how a UTI can cause problems. My aunt had one of those. If they aren’t checking her urine then I would want that done. You can have that done at an urgent care. You might not have to take her in, just the urine. Worth a phone call. Make sure a culture is done for the correct antibiotic if she shows infection. Drug stores sell kits but you would still need the antibiotic if she has an infection.
See if you can find a geriatric physiatrist. They might do an appointment over the phone. My husband has had two dr appointments on the phone since the isolation and they have worked well.
You sound very thorough on what you have done to help. I would try the “let’s call the police tomorrow” to see if that would work to settle her down. I assume you have watched Teepa Snow on YouTube? If not, see if you can pick up any pointers there.
Also anything you can do to get her to reduce her belongings would be less to sort, look through, put away.
This is so hard. I’m really sorry.
Google Teepa Snow and watch her videos.
Aand yes, you need a geriatric psychiatrist, or someone who understands that a broken brain needs meds, sometimes even antipsychotics, to restore normalcy.
I have dealt with a couple of LOs who didn’t want to leave home or be in a social situation. One half of an antianxiety pill enabled them to not only go but also enjoy themselves. Ask her doctor about that. I also took my mom to the same Primary. It saved time for both me and the doctor.