Alright, so I got my CNA license a few months back. I have no facility experience, just my two weeks in clinicals. Recently, my Husbands Grandmother has been staying with her daughters as she cannot live alone, she is on oxygen and has COPD and has been hospitalized for numerous reasons including overdose of her self managed pills. I was contacted by the daughter to ask if I could move in the grandmothers home and take care of her and get paid for it. At first, I was estatic after being in financial turmoil for so long and me and my Husband packed up our three year old and moved out to her house. My intention was to clean it up before she got here because it had been sitting for quite some time, but the family only gave me two days and dropped her off with no medication list and no instructions on what to do. She begins to micromanage me and follow me around, constantly being bossy (ex.: I'm not allowed to sit on the couch, I'm not allowed to clean the windows, and I'm not allowed to smoke around her... which would be fine (I NEVER smoke in the house) if she did not follow me outside and complain about it.) I can't even cook a meal without her insisting on some new rule and answering every question I specifically ask my husband. It's extremely frustrating and I've lost five pounds from stress and I haven't even been here a week. As if that isn't enough, she won't tell me when she needs help, won't let me manage her pills and says she doesn't need help with anything when I constantly ask her. She is so combative and bossy that I spend most of my time in my room with my son. It's not like I can ignore the mess either, there was a mouse problem so there are droppings everywhere and there was moldy food everywhere too but luckily I got rid of that before she came. I feel like I am constantly walking on eggshells and I have no idea what to do or say, everything just keeps getting worse. This morning, she saw me get up and make my cup of coffee and she knows I go and smoke after so she headed out to the porch and waited for me there so that I could not. I don't know how much more of this I can take, and I'm open to suggestions but what I really want to know is: when is enough, enough? I don't know how long to wait to see if things improve. She can NOT live alone so if I end up not being able to do this, the next step is a facility. Nobody wants that but what can I do if she doesn't even let me do my job?
You need to all be adult about this and sit down as equals to lay down the ground rules and set boundaries. Make it clear that her options are a live in caregiver or a facility, and that you are hired to be that caregiver. Try to talk over some of the things that are troubling for each of you and see if you can work out some compromises, but I have to tell you I am not very hopeful you will be successful.
Thank you for your response! I keep getting advice but none of it is from other caregivers until now!
The lesson is the next time, ask a lot of questions, meet with the client first, set ground rules and make sure you're all on the same page before you move in lock, stock, and barrel. This is painful, but a good learning experience for you!! Go find a good job that isn't with your family.
Are you looking for employment elsewhere? If they are paying you to care for her, one option would be to have them replace you with someone else so that she could remain at home. It sounds that your personal financial situation is a factor, but if you are able to find somewhere else to find work, you may find a better balance for yourself too. (I think it is easier to set boundaries when you are not direct family.)
We had many different live-in nurses and home health aides over the past years, and while I sometimes felt that they were cold at times, I realize now that it's an unglamorous and emotionally trying job. I wish you the best in finding balance with your family