My husband, Bill, is at that point in Alz. where he is between reality and the unknown. He is in Rehab after his fall on Easter Day and ending up in a Shock Trauma Hospital. He is recovering from those injuries. Beginning to make some sense again. He is afraid of the very large man giving him showers in the morning. He says he is very gruff and orders him around, makes him strip naked. Well of course he has to do these things but so many of the patients there are much worse than Bill. He understands that so many of the patients are out there. He calls them crazy. Many can't talk or speak only gibberish. While we sat in his room and watched a baseball game on TV, at least 6 patients wandered in and out. One came in and had a bowel movement in his bathroom and left. She did not flush and left a mess. Another was crying and doesn't speak at all. It was upsetting to me and surely to him. He started to cry and said, " I wanted to kill myself before you got here. Bill is normally very pleasant and happy. I have never heard him talk like this and I have never seen him cry in 37 years except at a funeral. I want to bring him home and think I will next week when some work is finished at my home. It will not be so confusing at home by then. I know you are going to say leave him there. But he does understand much more than the other patients. I feel like he won't be at that point for another year or maybe 6 months. I want him to be happy above all. Well looks like I just answered my own question. I am asking God for guidance in this tough situation.
I agree about the wanderers, coming into the room. Shut the door. Even when you are not there, your husband deserves privacy and should be allowed to keep his door closed, if he wishes.
Nursing Home Compare (www.medicare.gov/NHcompare) provides information about skilled nursing facilities in your area. Your local ombudsman is another resource. These resources will get you started, but do not replace a visit to the facility, by you, before you make a decision.