His short term memory is gone but he can still do somethings on his own[ take a shower,get cup of coffee or sandwich,] He can make frozen dinner in microwave,with me watching. We live a 4 hour drive from most of our children, and we recently found out that our oldest daughter has breast cancer and naturally I want to be with her but he wants to stay home, which I don't think I can leave him do. We were up to Pa recently and he just wanted to come home.One of our daughters lives near us down here and she is our driver and does not think we can leave him alone for a few days My daughter with the cancer told me I needed to stay home with Dad that she understands. Her husband is with her and other family members also. She is to be operated on next Monday. I need advice. What should I do? Help
My loved one was in the same condition when I first realized what was going on, but she was barely functioning and not able to be alone, even for one day. Just because they are able to make a sandwich, take a shower, etc., doesn't mean that other areas are safe. They may suddenly wander, when you didn't think they would. They may ingest something dangerous like cleaner. They may accidentally cause a fire or leave water running and flood the floor. Or they may get scared and call 911. Authorities may wonder why he was left alone, especially, if he gets hurt or wanders.
Is there any family member where he could stay while you're gone? I know you want to be with your daughter, but I would really try to find some help for him before I left town.
Since your daughter with cancer has her husband for support and your own husband who is your children's father, can't be left alone, my own opinion is that your family would be better off if you stayed home. Your daughter doesn’t need to worry about her father while she’s having surgery. You making sure everything is taken care of on that end would likely be more helpful than if you went to be with her. My thoughts would be different if your daughter didn't have her husband for support, but she does.
Perhaps you can take your husband along to visit your daughter after she recovers a bit. You could stay in a motel so that she doesn't have extra pressure of company but you'd still be able to see how she's recovering. Or, maybe your daughter in town could stay with your husband or have him stay with her just for a couple of days so you could be with your ill daughter after she’s recovered a bit.
Whatever you decide, don’t let guilt rule. You are in a difficult situation that doesn’t have a perfect solution. Each family is different so be open in your communication with your daughters so you can work out the best approach possible.
Best wishes to your daughter in her recovery and to you for all the stress you are enduring.
Carol