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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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He is very happy being here, where we've lived 45 years. How much should I push this?? Our daughter lives with us, so I am able to get out and about some by myself.
I'm caring for a dear family friend in-home, with the help of her best friend (lives here too) and a caregiver that comes in for the daytime hours, 7 days a week. She's in moderate/late stage dementia. We think it's important for her to go out every day with her aide, Some days she refuses at first, but the aide tells her. "This isn't a discussion. You need some fresh air and sunshine. It always makes you feel better once we're outside." And it always works. She may pout for a few minutes, but she goes and she ends up loving it. She gets mani/pedis and enjoys going to her favorite frozen yogurt shop around the corner. It's working for now.
One thing I've learned, if it helps. We don't ask anymore, not about eating or food choices or going out, etc. - She started having a very hard time choosing anything, even if only given two options. The dementia has also eaten up the part of her brain that controls hunger, so she'll say she's not hungry, if asked about the next meal and it's late already. So we've found SO MUCH peace in just being the "leader" and telling, not asking. "It's time for dinner." "It's time to go out now." "It's time to take a shower/take your medicine/go to bed." Taking the questions away made a huge difference for us. I hope you can get him to go out again. I think it's so good for anyone, especially emotionally. Blessings and the best of luck!
I would think that this friend might have a little more concern about what her friend wants. Granted, some things have to be done, like meds, baths, etc., but, getting pedicures? I wonder if she might consider that her friend just doesn't want to do that everyday. Since the patient loses so much control, I think I might allow her the right to make those decisions that are not harmful. I would think that staying inside and not going shopping might come under that category. At least not on a daily basis.
At some stages of dementia, the patient grows confused and is not able to process some things. Forcing them to become overly stimulated might be quite unpleasant for them. I'd respect his feelings.
I wouldn't push him too hard either, but I do appreciate the comments of Pattisage. I know with my Dad you can ask if he is hungry, he never is, you just fix lunch and hand him his tray and he will eat pretty well.
But this is a subjective call. If you can plainly see that he benefits from getting out of the house, maybe push him a little. If it makes him nervous to go out why bother.
My mother and father are home bodies. When they lost physical and mental abilities, they both became progressively more home bound. Toward the end of his life, my father was terrified of leaving the house. He didn't understand things like distance to the ground because his vision was fading. People scared him. He became increasingly autistic, so going out was torture that could send him into meltdown. I didn't force going out on him.
My mother is getting the same way. Now when people are going to be coming to the door, she'll take a long trip to the bathroom or her bedroom to do something. She'll make excuses about it, but I know she is just avoiding people. She stays away from everyone now. The only time we leave the house now is to go to church or out to eat. I have the feeling that pretty soon she'll be staying home all the time. She doesn't see well, her mobility is poor, and people confuse her. It is all too much for her. I sympathize and won't force her to go out if it is hard on her.
I've found that I'm enjoying staying home more, but part of it is the increase in wild traffic. Sometimes I don't even drive more than a mile to get out of my neighborhood w/o someone tailgating me and honking his/her horn b/c I'm driving at the speed limit.
Then once out of the subdivision, there's the risk of an accident within the first few miles because of congestion, wild drivers running red lights, crossing up to 3 lanes w/o signaling or moving from one lane to the next. Running lights has become commonplace in my area.
Driving has gradually become unpleasant except for rural areas. I can't imagine how much the traffic might stress out someone with any kind of dementia.
Venturing out to drive is a challenge. I do a fair amount of driving. Practically, every trip, I encounter a person coming towards me in my lane....The reason? They are texting. It has become epidemic. In 2016 drivers have so many urgent messages that they must text while driving their car. It's unbelievable.
I hate city interstate driving. No matter what the time of day now, people are always on the road. I wonder where all these people are going at 1:40 in the afternoon on a work day. Why aren't they at work? Why are they on the road? I don't know why city traffic is always so bad now.
Mopsygirl, What is the goal you wish to accomplish by taking your husband out, social interaction, exercise, keeping abreast of the world outside? Often people with Alzheimer's/dementia have lost the ability to be social or they realize they have mental deterioration and don't want to embarrass themselves. They also can't navigate (both physically and mentally) like they used to and possibly don't want to look dependent on you or, God forbid, get lost (be separated from you) while out. Maybe he is confused enough that he is spooked by "the big bad world" out there. (Just listen to the news!) If he doesn't seem sad to give up going out, I wouldn't push it. Take coffee or tea in the back yard and sit in the sunshine, (Good vitamin D). Can you both walk to the mailbox down the street and back? Is there a park close by? Could you both visit a neighbor who lives within walking distance? I take care of an autistic epileptic gentleman. He loves his room and feels the most comfortable there. It's his sanctuary. It can be a chore just to get him to walk around the rest of the house for a bit of exercise. You can be assertive but I would not recommend being aggressive in this case. Just my 2 cents. 😉 Good luck
Thanks to all you folks for your helpful comments. The experts say it's best for him to get him out and involved, such as a daycare center, but he would be so upset with me if I did that to him. So for now, I'll keep him home while he is happy and content.
The "experts" don't have to deal with them. Advise is cheap and easy to give. It's not their problem. Let's see how it would be if the shoe was on the other foot. Do what's best for your husband and to *ell with the experts.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I would focus on keeping him happy inside with activities that are appropriate for his level of Alzheimers.
It's wonderful though that you are able to have some private time.
And it always works. She may pout for a few minutes, but she goes and she ends up loving it. She gets mani/pedis and enjoys going to her favorite frozen yogurt shop around the corner. It's working for now.
One thing I've learned, if it helps. We don't ask anymore, not about eating or food choices or going out, etc. - She started having a very hard time choosing anything, even if only given two options. The dementia has also eaten up the part of her brain that controls hunger, so she'll say she's not hungry, if asked about the next meal and it's late already. So we've found SO MUCH peace in just being the "leader" and telling, not asking. "It's time for dinner." "It's time to go out now." "It's time to take a shower/take your medicine/go to bed." Taking the questions away made a huge difference for us. I hope you can get him to go out again. I think it's so good for anyone, especially emotionally. Blessings and the best of luck!
At some stages of dementia, the patient grows confused and is not able to process some things. Forcing them to become overly stimulated might be quite unpleasant for them. I'd respect his feelings.
But this is a subjective call. If you can plainly see that he benefits from getting out of the house, maybe push him a little. If it makes him nervous to go out why bother.
My mother is getting the same way. Now when people are going to be coming to the door, she'll take a long trip to the bathroom or her bedroom to do something. She'll make excuses about it, but I know she is just avoiding people. She stays away from everyone now. The only time we leave the house now is to go to church or out to eat. I have the feeling that pretty soon she'll be staying home all the time. She doesn't see well, her mobility is poor, and people confuse her. It is all too much for her. I sympathize and won't force her to go out if it is hard on her.
Then once out of the subdivision, there's the risk of an accident within the first few miles because of congestion, wild drivers running red lights, crossing up to 3 lanes w/o signaling or moving from one lane to the next. Running lights has become commonplace in my area.
Driving has gradually become unpleasant except for rural areas. I can't imagine how much the traffic might stress out someone with any kind of dementia.
What is the goal you wish to accomplish by taking your husband out, social interaction, exercise, keeping abreast of the world outside? Often people with Alzheimer's/dementia have lost the ability to be social or they realize they have mental deterioration and don't want to embarrass themselves. They also can't navigate (both physically and mentally) like they used to and possibly don't want to look dependent on you or, God forbid, get lost (be separated from you) while out. Maybe he is confused enough that he is spooked by "the big bad world" out there. (Just listen to the news!) If he doesn't seem sad to give up going out, I wouldn't push it. Take coffee or tea in the back yard and sit in the sunshine, (Good vitamin D). Can you both walk to the mailbox down the street and back? Is there a park close by? Could you both visit a neighbor who lives within walking distance?
I take care of an autistic epileptic gentleman. He loves his room and feels the most comfortable there. It's his sanctuary. It can be a chore just to get him to walk around the rest of the house for a bit of exercise. You can be assertive but I would not recommend being aggressive in this case. Just my 2 cents. 😉 Good luck