I had to place my husband in 24/7 hospice care at the VA last week, and he is more confused than ever. He is in no pain even with prostate cancer that has metastasized to his liver and his right humerus. He still has his smile, sweet disposition and yet I can't care for him because he can hardly walk and I can't lift him at all. He weighs 100 pounds more than me and I have an unrepairable rotator cuff that won't left me lift. I visit him and they are just ignoring him basically - haven't even cleaned his dentures since he's been there a whole week, hasn't taken his hearing aids out at night or checked the batteries, and he isn't hungry because the food doesn't look appetizing at all. He is losing weight and strength and it kills me to have to see him not cared for. I'm meeting with the care staff in 2 days to voice my concerns. Is there anything else I can do to get him better care? I can't afford home care 24/7 and have no place for someone to stay if I could afford the $3,000 + it would take. Anyone else had this predicament?
SilkLady
Your calling a patient Care Conference is an excellent idea. You can put faces to names. Find out what their insurance will allow you to do for him. It's always good to pop into those places at varying times,too.
Can you visit every day and take on some of the non-strenuous tasks? Like removing his hearing aid, checking the batteries, cleaning his dentures? Perhaps helping him to get ready for bed each night? Not lifting him, of course, but helping him button his pajamas, etc. It sounds like you feel really bad that you cannot care for him at home. Even though he is in a facility you can have a significant role in his care.
Drruth, you need to get in contact with the PATIENT ADVOCATE at the VA facility that your husband is at if you have not already. The job exists at EACH facility and its duties are explained at https://www.va.gov/health/patientadvocate/.
If he is in the Providence, RI facility - the patient advocate information listed for that facility is Patient Advocate,
Main Building - 1C, Room 140, 401-457-3093
I'm very sorry to hear about your husband's care. I know this is an extremely difficult situation. No one would want to see their loved one with this quality of care. Are you able to talk to a care manager? Social worker? Adult Protective Services? Is there a chance he could be moved to a different facility? I know its not easy and you are doing the best you can. Hopefully the social worker can give you more options.