He fell several times a week & I had to call 911 to get him up. A couple of times he ended up in the hospital and then rehab. The first time he came home feeling stronger and continued with home rehab. The second time we were not as lucky. He spent 30 days in rehab, where he was absolutely miserable. I made him stay because I thought it would help. Also I needed time to prepare for help in the home. When it was determined that he would not get any better, he came home. I had aides 8 hrs a day as I could not move him myself. After only a few days he could not even get from the bed to the wheel chair. He became bedridden & had sores from sitting. He was gone within 2 weeks. I can’t help feeling that being in rehab for so long, where they kept him in a wheelchair, made him decline more quickly. Before he went in he was able to sit in his recliner, use the bathroom & even shower. Suddenly, in the hospital & in rehab he was wheelchair bound. They would not let him get up. I feel that if I had taken him home he would have been alive longer. I still have that guilt that I could have done more for him.
And this much I know to be true, when it's our time to go, it's our time to go, and nothing and no one can stop it. It was your husbands time.
I pray that you can now move forward in a healthy way, and that as you remember your husband, it will bring a smile and happiness to you instead of the guilt you've been carrying around for far too long.
It sounds like he was declining at a faster pace and he would have done the same no matter where he was.
You did what you could
You made the best decision based on the information you had at the time.
You arranged to have help at home, and even with help caring for someone is no easy task.
You did bring him home, that is what he wanted.
You did the best that you could
Please do not feel guilty.
I do think that you should talk to someone. It can be a Bereavement Support Group or a therapist. It is slightly different but the Alzheimer's Association has a 24 hour line that is answered by trained counselors and they may help as well or be able to put you in contact with a Support Group.
You have no reason to feel guilty
Please forgive yourself for what you think you did wrong. Hindsight is 20/20 but, we can't beat ourselves up for what we could only see after the fact.
You brought him home and you did what you thought was best every step of the way. When you start asking "what if"? Please remind yourself that you did what you believed was the best thing, because it was.
You are missing him and the last year has been a terribly difficult and lonely time for many, to much time to ask questions that truly have no basis in reality.
He was blessed to have you to care for him. Great big warm hug.