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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
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This is a common problem starting in moderate dementia. There is a wealth of information available on this subject. See the three parallel lines in the blue field banner across the top of the page. Click there to find the search engine box to enter this subject to become exposed to much information on this "normal" behavior starting around mid-term dementia.
My husband doesn't want to bath either. I shave him and wash his face, which he likes. If I can get him in the shower once a week, I feel good. He says he isn't doing anything to get dirty. I entice him by saying he hasn't gotten one in over a week. I get him to take the shower in the morning before he gets his cloths on. I also suggest that we take a shower together, he likes that. He can wash himself and I do his back and put shampoo on his hair. By me being in the shower I can make sure he doesn't fall or burn himself with the water.
He is away happy after the shower and usually rests, as it is exhausting for him.
It takes a lot of clever cajoling to get my Dad to shower once a week, simply because he forgets that he hasn't taken one, and, as Isabella1 notes, it's exhausting for him. Usually what works is when I mention that he is beginning to smell a bit rank, because he's very proud. Then I have to negotiate, by offering him his favourite lunch (pizza) after he takes a shower. Finally, I usually have to remind him that "I'm asking you to do this because I love you and want you to be clean and healthy", at which point he buckles and gives in. It's exhausting for me, too! But when he gets out of the shower, it's always with a smile on his face and a comment about how good it felt to be under warm water. Of course, he now forgets to wash his hair, so we do that in the sink the following day. I also bought a shower stool, which makes him feel a bit more secure, because he can sit under the shower head instead of standing.
Isabella gives good advice. My husband is not mobile and at one point told he me was afraid to step up into the shower. However, his immobility doesn't allow him to wipe after bowel movements. I've found its all in the timing. His energy dwindles as the day goes on, but since he rises between 5 and 6AM, sometimes I am not awake enough to help him shower. I would love to have a bath aide come in, but our shower is simply not big enough. I've even suggested checking into a local motel with a roll in shower just to bathe him. Men are very independent, especially older men because they were raised that way. They are unwilling to give up "the old ways" and want to be large and in charge even when down deep they know they aren't. I still defer to my husband and consult with him in all major issues, even if ultimately the decision is mine. Oh, and I've also purchased a body wash that hospitals use that can be used on bedridden patients. It's available at some drug stores in the handicap aids aisle. It bridges the gap between showers.
My husband used to lie that he had taken a shower "a few hours ago." One reason I gave in to his doctor's recommendation that he be placed in hospice care was that I couldn't deal with his not showering. If I had known about some of the above suggestions, I would have tried them first, but the hospice aid was an enormous help to me.
I have the same problem, but I solved it by taking a shower with my husband. I can wash his hair, get under his armpits and genitals as well as in between toes. Water is not a favorite of loved ones with dementia. You can try a sponge bath, but I found once that water is warm and runs over his back, he relaxes and then calms down his objections. This whole process takes about 5 mins. so be prepared before you get into the shower with towels and a hand sprayer which you can install yourself if you don't have one. Just manage the best you can. You can also get help, but you'll need a doctor's order to have Medicare pay for it. You can do this.
My husband is 85 USNavy man always clean. I have tried everything it's a battle I cannot worry about anymore he has every answer in the book even at late stage 6. Luckily he still is good with toileting. The shower thing was killing me, so I moved it to the don't sweat the small stuff for now if I can get him in the shower once a week or every two weeks it's ok. I do get him to change underware every other day. We have a big walk in glass shower tried getting in with him, he almost knocked me through it. So that's out. My Dr prescribed a alternative wash also that helps.
This may or may not be part of the issue. My 90 yo mom gets chilled very easily, and is reluctant to take a shower because she gets so cold. Her bathroom is very small, which makes it even easier to heat her bathroom. I just got one of those little $20 plug in heaters, and bring the temp up to Florida in the summertime. (Boy, am I ever glad to get out of there when we're done!). If you have a little heater sitting around, try warming up the bathroom and see if that helps.
I bathe my husband using Aloe Vesta foam which is sometimes used in hospitals. It does not need rinsing and it may also be used as to shampoo hair. I have found he is more cooperative if I give him his bath in stages, not all at once but over a couple days. Whatever works!
I had purchased a walker from a resale shop. This we used as his shower walker. He could stand holding onto the walker and feel safer than even holding onto the hand rail that was on the wall. As the walker rusted I would get another. Did not spend more than $3.00 for any of the walkers. When he became more unsteady I used a shower wheel chair. I would get him out of bed using the Sit to Stand and sit him right onto the wheel chair then I would roll him into the shower. I will admit that I have an ideal situation as the shower is a roll in one without a lip or edge so rolling him in is easy.
As long as the person is cleaned well after toileting I think showers can be limited to 2 times a week.
Early on my husband did not want to change clothes he would fold the clothes he wore that day and place them by his recliner. Once he went to bed I would pick up the soiled clothes and replace them with clean ones, folded and placed where he left the soiled ones. He never had a problem with wanting to shower. I got more involved when I realized he was not doing a good job. It was at that point I went with the walker so he could hold on and I would soap him up. (sure does put a new spin on taking a shower together when your spouse has dementia!)
My husband has FTD (frontal temporal dementia) and is afraid of the shower. He will not get in or out of the tub. I did sponge bathing until I thought I would try him in my walk in shower. He holds onto the ledge to avoid going in but I gently push him in there with my body and he showers with me doing all the work, nicely. He is to the point where he can not do much for himself anymore except walk and feed himself finger foods. His brain is not working and he would do nothing for himself. With dementia when this happens you have to step in and find out what works for you and care for him how he would normally would take care of himself. When he can not walk I will be stuck with bedbaths at that point. You have to be creative sometimes. I have found a peribottle that has a long nozzle that is great for cleaning his "areas" after diaper change on the toilet. The caregiver finds it helps him to keep him cleaner too. Good luck and God bless.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
He is away happy after the shower and usually rests, as it is exhausting for him.
It does not need rinsing and it may also be used as to shampoo hair. I have found he is more cooperative if I give him his bath in stages, not all at once but over a couple days. Whatever works!
As the walker rusted I would get another. Did not spend more than $3.00 for any of the walkers.
When he became more unsteady I used a shower wheel chair. I would get him out of bed using the Sit to Stand and sit him right onto the wheel chair then I would roll him into the shower. I will admit that I have an ideal situation as the shower is a roll in one without a lip or edge so rolling him in is easy.
As long as the person is cleaned well after toileting I think showers can be limited to 2 times a week.
Early on my husband did not want to change clothes he would fold the clothes he wore that day and place them by his recliner. Once he went to bed I would pick up the soiled clothes and replace them with clean ones, folded and placed where he left the soiled ones. He never had a problem with wanting to shower. I got more involved when I realized he was not doing a good job. It was at that point I went with the walker so he could hold on and I would soap him up.
(sure does put a new spin on taking a shower together when your spouse has dementia!)