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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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My husband is in memory care and I am happy with the care he is getting. Nothing I try works and the aids there don't like to try and force this.......Any ideas?
My surrogate dad wouldn't bathe either. Someone kept telling me that the nursing home would clean him up when they had him in their own care. Lo and behold, that person was definitely right. Shortly after entering the nursing home, I noticed how much cleaner dad suddenly became. The nursing home should take the initiative and make this man clean up, because after a while it becomes a health issue when bacteria accumulates. It will not only affect the health of the person carrying the bacteria, but it will affect other people in many ways.
Not to pass the buck--but of your father is in a facility--this is their problem. My FIL was much cleaner in the hospital than he ever was at home. It's good of you to be concerned, but a mention to the staff and you're pretty much off board. Gosh, I hope I am right about this--we may be placing mother this year.
Accept that he doesn't want to shower and find other ways to keep him clean. Suggest some of the no rinse products; he can just be washed up without total immersion.
The facility should not place this responsibility on you. I would be insulted. They are in charge of his care. They will need to give it some thought, consult with professionals, devote sufficient, trained staff and time to get it done.
Many dementia patients in Memory Care dislike baths, but they all get them. The facility needs to figure it out. I'd let them know that is what I expected. What does the facility do with residents who have no family members to rely on? I think they are passing the buck. They'll address it if they really have to.
Weeone, another thought here.... try stepping back and let the nurses/aides do their work. I realize you want to be with hubby and want to make sure he is getting the best care, and you are trying to help.
It could be that hubby sees you there and he starts to act up to get your attention because he wants to be "home". That isn't uncommon. The patient becomes stubborn, pouts, throws tantrums, etc.
Please note that the nurses/aides have a routine that they use for patients, and usually that routine works as this isn't their first rodeo, they have experience with 100's of patients throughout the years.... they know what to do. Ask when bath time is, and come to the facility after that time frame.
To help, come during lunch and dinner to help feed your husband if he needs help, the nurses/aides really appreciate that because then they can concentrate on those patients who have no one to help.
I took my mom to a geriatric psychiatrist today. After mom had left I asked him why it was such a common phenomenon that people with dementia dislike/avoid showers. Well my wise comrades, he said no one knows for such and gave many possibilities, all of which I have seen suggested by posters on this site. The suggestions he gave for sucess were - do it as much by routine as possible; same days of the week, same attendant, same procedure from undressing to redressing and everything in between. Have all supplies at the ready and use products the person is familiar with and seem to prefer. Make sure the water temp is to the persons liking - don't assume everyone likes the water really hot. Try to make the room warm and without drafts. He did say clostriphobia is more of a factor than most people realize - even for people who have/had no other issues with small(er) spaces in the past - at this may only present at shower time.
Mum doesn't mind having a shower - for her it is the palaver of getting undressed then the shower then the drying the creaming the getting dressed again is becoming too much for her especially as I control it all. I think the control for her is possibly the source of any issues we have. So now I get her to the bathroom and then she sits on the toilet while we chat for a bit and she gets her breath back. The while she is still sat there I get her undressed. She has a seat in the shower with arms so she feels safe and then when I start the shower I make sure I spray that first cold bit into a bucket or similar so she doesn't get any of that initial shock then give her the shower head. OK so I get drenched - I dry of eventually but then I am in the shower with her (ours is where a bath used to be so it is plenty big enough for two to get in there.) It also has lass panels so she can see everything in the bathroom - not that anything is HAPPENING in the bathroom but she likes to be able to see....just in case!
While I am doing all of this the towels and her clothes are in the tumble drier warming up. I also put a towel on the floor because she feels she might slip if not.
So a lot of reasons in there as to why he might not want to shower cold, claustrophobia, no control over the shower, feeling safe from slips and falls - perceived or real - they are real to him or maybe.
Failing all else he could have a bed bath and there is absolutely no reason why he can't have this and even a air wash in bed too if they have to. One thing is for sure - he might not want a shower and I wouldn't force it, but he would be clean one way or another!
My elderly friend who was an Army medic said that they dealt with people who didn't take a shower. He said they were ordered to give them a G.I. bath. Perhaps you can come up with a much gentler strategy than a G.I. bath to get him into the shower, especially if he's going to be around other people. Others just don't want to be around people who stink. There are some people whose stomachs will definitely turn at the smell of this kind of terrible odor. You definitely don't want to smell that when you're trying to eat because it's enough to ruin anyone's appetite.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Many dementia patients in Memory Care dislike baths, but they all get them. The facility needs to figure it out. I'd let them know that is what I expected. What does the facility do with residents who have no family members to rely on? I think they are passing the buck. They'll address it if they really have to.
It could be that hubby sees you there and he starts to act up to get your attention because he wants to be "home". That isn't uncommon. The patient becomes stubborn, pouts, throws tantrums, etc.
Please note that the nurses/aides have a routine that they use for patients, and usually that routine works as this isn't their first rodeo, they have experience with 100's of patients throughout the years.... they know what to do. Ask when bath time is, and come to the facility after that time frame.
To help, come during lunch and dinner to help feed your husband if he needs help, the nurses/aides really appreciate that because then they can concentrate on those patients who have no one to help.
While I am doing all of this the towels and her clothes are in the tumble drier warming up. I also put a towel on the floor because she feels she might slip if not.
So a lot of reasons in there as to why he might not want to shower cold, claustrophobia, no control over the shower, feeling safe from slips and falls - perceived or real - they are real to him or maybe.
Failing all else he could have a bed bath and there is absolutely no reason why he can't have this and even a air wash in bed too if they have to. One thing is for sure - he might not want a shower and I wouldn't force it, but he would be clean one way or another!
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