His temper is getting very short.
ANYTHING can make him blow up. He is not violent but he then starts to shout and swear a lot.
It takes all my skills as 'an ironer' to smooth things back onto a level plain. I am the optimist, he is the pessimist. He only seems happy if he is moaning about something. It is so tiring.
Apart from a lump of wood over his head, have you guys got any suggestions that would help me please?
That feels a little better just getting it off my chest.
Thank you for being here. :)
Buzzy
I am only just getting into 'the system'.
I have things pending. :) I am trying for help for me first, then I can get him 'in the system' too. It needs me (as the one being 'cared for') to get allocated Attendance Allowance first. Funny rules in England.
It seems that if you have no conscience and can lie, you get everything the state can offer. (Benefit Scroungers).
Sadly I tell the truth and we have always 'coped'. I really do not want to have to move as we have been in this house over 50 years.
Saying that, when it gets really bad, I will reassess. I was just having a bit of a bad day.
Buzzy
I'd discuss it with his doctor, so they can test for UTI, other infections, illness, etc. to rule them out. Any change in mental status should be reported. If it's the dementia, I'd ask for geriatric psychiatrist consult and explore medication to help with his anxiety and agitation. Both are not uncommon with dementia. In the meantime, I'd make safety plan and discuss it with a professional in your community. I'd have ability to call 911 at all times and I would remove all weapons, including knives and sharp objects out of the house. Stay safe.
My husband told me the other day that he gets frustrated to the point of verbal outbursts because he screws up something he used to do with his eyes closed. I get it, it makes us confused and irritated, now learning to ignore the outbursts has been my challenge. I was grateful that he told me what was behind them.
Is it possible to get him to engage in new activities that challenge his brain in a new way, not the things he doesn't have to think about. Does that make sense?
How is it going for you to get help that takes some of the burden off him? I pray it comes thru quickly.
Does the UK have programs that work at keeping folks in there home? I hope they do, comes a time when relocating is not an exciting adventure.
Hugs to you love! 🤗
That is the system I am trying to get us into. :)
I will think on the new 'activity' for him, but it must be mostly physical - if it is tooo mental, it will stress him. He is more a creature of habit now, and it takes a long time to digest new things. But it will be great if I can.
Buzzy
Just thinking of physical things with other men, I know that it is important to connect to the same sex occasionally. We joke about how hard it is to only talk to your wife after a career spent with other men. Yikes! I'm thinking they should try our shoes for a day, I suddenly after 50 years need direction on vacuuming. Men need Male talk as much as women need female companions.
I hope it all starts coming together soon for you love.
Once he is unable to get out and about, then things will get a lot harder for me. That is why I am trying to get us into the system now.
To be honest, it is easier for me IF he does go out. My bad, but it is true.
If I can get help here (more than I have managed to get by myself) then that would relieve some of the pressure.
It is only me that sees his 'true face'. But that is my job, I think. For better or for worse. In sickness and in health.
I am picking up a little today, so can COPE again, for now.
Thank heavens for this site.
Make sure you take care of yourself too.
Buzzy
Do you have someone helping you to get aid?
Hugs, it will come through soon!
No advice or sympathy needed please.
I am just holding it together this morning.
He had me in tears this morning and I just needed to say it to someone, anyone really or I would burst.
Thank you
First, know that others (wives) on this forum have experienced similar, so you are not alone in that situation.
I have read about it here, and a neighbor is going through it.
She goes to a neighbor's home, and gets out of the house daily.
As far as helpful lists, can you write the lists, as general reminders for both of you, then post it on the refrigerator?
Soon, you may find him referring to "your" list.
Hugs BB!
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