We had a companion living in our basement for over a year. About 6 months ago my husband started to see this mans name written on EVERYTHING. My husband started cutting and tearing everything up and throwing everything away. This includes pictures, paintings (hidden under our bed) albums, cd's, movies, etc. With MOST everything I have learned not to argue, it won't change things. Redirect, it has not worked. This man died 2 months ago. I thought this behavior would change, but it has not. I don't know how to handle this. I check trash cans many times a day. I have saved many things. It breaks my heart. Some of these are pictures from his days in the service. Last night he tore the first couple pages from a bible he presented to his mom many years ago. All of these things are irreplaceable. Nothing can be left out for a second. He tore up a birthday card sent to our granddaughter. It had 50 dollars in it. Found that in pieces. This goes on daily. I'm at my witts end. These are pieces of my life also. Any suggestions?
I am against over medicating, but all medications have side effects. If nothing changes you are likely to be the one in the hospital. I'd talk with the doctor again about the medications and see if small amounts might at least make your husband's symptoms less severe.
Your husband must be suffering psychologically, as well. Sometimes we have to take a physical risk in order to lessen mental pain. From what you've said, your husband may fall into this category. You may want to get a second opinion to evaluate the true risk vs. the possible benefit.
Update us when you can. We are all concerned for you.
Carol
When she does something that she isn't supposed to do, we talk with her about it and tell her no and why, this helps for a few days, and then we have the talk again.
Has he started rearranging everything yet? If you have the space available, let him have his own room, with a dresser in it, and put items that you don't mind him destroying or hiding in the room. MIL likes to fold clothes, she likes to move her knick knacks around. It is comforting to her to be able to have some control in her life.
My mother and my husband both enjoyed using the paper shredder. I asked them to help me avoid identity theft, and I did give them anything like that to shred, but I also saved junk mail for them to shred.
I almost hate to suggest giving him access to a tool he could use to be even more destructive (feeding $50 bills to the shredder makes me shudder) but if you kept it under lock when he wasn't using it under your supervision, would shredding paper be a good diversion for him at this time?
The poor dears with dementia really can't help what they are doing, and often going along with their illogic is the best approach. But you must never accept abuse or destruction of your valuable possessions.
I am surprised that the psychiatrist feels there is only medication that might help and that it is contraindicated. Ask if there is a second-best choice, without high-risk side effects.
I am so sorry that the two of you are going through this experience, and at such a young age.
I don't know if you have time or finances to do this, but I would make multiple copies of photographs and letters and other things, and store the originals in a safe place. Then he could have a new "stash" to tear up each day. Perhaps in time, this would allow you to redirect to other behavior.
Are you caring for him alone?
Do you need support from others who might help him focus on other things?
Please stay in touch with us.....
See All Answers