After 7 years in 2 different AL facilities (different states) my 90 year old mother is now immobile in skilled nursing after a serious septic infection. I visit her twice a week. She is on oxygen alot of the time.
She has this terrible habit of picking at her lips and gets caked blood under her fingernails. Each time I go I soak her fingers, brush them, use a tool to remove blood and file her nails. This is depressing and exhausting.
Does anyone think there is any point to asking the doctor overseeing residents if any medication would possibly work to help alleviate this habit? My visits become all about doing this as the caked blood does not loosen easily.
My mother is a kind person. We are very different and have had different values in life. She has not had the maternal instincts I have. My 3 grown children love her which is nice. There have been periods of time throughout my life when she had health issues.
I know I am not God. I am having a hard time understanding the purpose to her life. I know I share that sentiment with others here on Aging Care. I feel I need to clean her fingers as she can not do it for herself and they look awful. To be honest I have been embarrassed to be her daughter for a long time. I am her only child. I guess I am just reaching out to hear any points of view on this matter. Each time she seems glad to have her fingers clean but cannot seem to stop doing this. She has done it for years but now cannot wash her hands by herself.
I don't recall offhand what we used; it might have been Carmex, but I'm not sure. I used to get organic lip protection from a supplier I met years ago. None of the ingredients in her selection contained petrolatum.
Presumably the flammability of a petroleum based product in the presence of oxygen is the issue. Whether or not it's a significant issue, we felt that it wasn't worth the gamble, especially since there are alternatives that are safer (and tastier too)!
Also checked Carmex ingredients; no petrolatum is listed.
I'm surprised the staff at the nursing home your mother is in haven't raised the petrolatum issue.
https://www.vaseline.com/us/en/contact-us/faq.html
This is what I've used in the past, just b/c it's more pure, is fragrant, and is healthier. I'm not trying to encourage people to specifically buy this brand; it's just an example of an alternative to Chapstick.
https://www.woodspriteorganicbody.com/Luscious-Organic-Lip-Balms-15-oz-Tube_p_433.html
On a related issue, either one of the home care nurses or the oxygen supplier (I don't recall which) gave us a sign to post on the front door indicating that oxygen was in use and no smoking was allowed (anywhere near the house, although emphasis would be on the doors and windows).
Your moms situation has multiple components.
Skin picking. Keeping her nails clean and managing your distress with finding her needing more care when you visit.
Here is an article from Harvard on the topic of skin picking.
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/picking-your-skin-learn-four-tips-to-break-the-habit-201811281544
I believe CBD oil helped my DH Aunt with this problem. It seemed to help break the cycle.
It’s doubtful you can get CBD oil given in a facility but you might be able to get the doctor to put in your moms chart that her nails are to be brushed daily to keep the blood from accumulating.
Cured the problem like magic.
She may pick at her lips because there's always a little piece of skin she can get hold of. Once my mom started using the Chapstick, her lips healed up overnight, there were no loose bits to pick at, and her mouth healed up after 70 years of incessant picking.
I've used Chapstick every night myself forever, and I never got cracked lips.
Ask the nursing home folks to put it on her at night just before bed and multiple time s throughout the day, like after meals. If she capable of doing it, get a few Chapsticks for her bedside table, and pocket. That may become her new habit.
I respected by mom but we never had the sort of mother daughter relationship I would have wanted. For the last 4.5 years in the nursing home, my visits were very much about doing her nails and trimming her facial hair. I really, really hated it.
I would call a care meeting about the skin picking issue. Medication may well help.
And yes, lip balm is definitely indicated.
Try to separate the fact that you find this task distasteful and think of it as "what if she didn't have a daughter? How do other residents get their fingernails cleaned and trimmed?"
Make the water as hot as possible and have her soak as long as possible, this will help as well.
I have no idea why God chooses to extend some lives so darn long....long after the quality is gone. I wonder that myself all the time. My mother turned 94 on Weds and now she can't raise her upper body up in the bed, due to poor core strength and refusal to do PT. So I bought her an adjustable bed so it won't require 2 CGs to get her up. It's literally one thing after another on a daily basis.
Good luck, I hope this situation gets resolved