When my brother died my sister in-law was my best friend and the day after he left this earth, she had me packed ready to move in, which of course I’m sure I would have anyway, but it happened so quickly I had no time to think about it. I also had my daughter with me who Was a teenager along now with 2 nephews (brother’s kids) junior and senior in high school. My sister-in-law and I got along great. I wanted so much to be there for her but have some ptsd as my brother shot himself in the head in their bed a find although of course the cleaners were there she wanted to stay in that room. I did to make her happy but boy did that affect me. Anyways she got a new bed, and I gave my daughter the spare room and shared bed with sister-in-law because it was like a slumber party every night when we were together, so we did this for 8 months and I was getting ready to move out because she met a man however than the worse day of my life happened. My Father passed away. Everyone kind of decided for me that I take care of my mom as she had all the memories of them at the house we grew up. My Dad asked me before he passed if I’d take care of mom if something happened to him and I laughed as we didn’t get along growing up, I said we’d kill each other (hypothetically of course) and so I would honor his request. My daughter and I then moved back to the house I was raised in for the first two years it was awful my daughter graduated and left us. Then it was good for about 4yrs. She’s 79 my dad spoiled her, and I do everything for her house. She was paying me 300.00 a month to care for her underground heated pool and a crap ton of yard work, weeding, gardening, just making it look nice. I have 3 sisters. One a mile away who doesn’t help much with anything. She used to do med fills and hair/nail appts. One lives about a half hour away and happens to be POA and my sister who just moved back to retired military. The 3 of them used to have little appreciation for what I did for mom so they could continue to live a normal life now they have taken away the 300.00 saying mom can’t afford it when the POA pays so much unnecessary services. She has control now and they want me to get a job. My mom’s care and this place is already way more than full-time, and they haven’t helped in the past. They just show up unannounced to take trees down. I’ve always done that in the past, but I was upset because they didn’t even let me know. They knock on my bedroom door and want to talk. I’m pi**ed so I opted not to at that time.
I find out a few days later because my sister dropped mom off and was asking her to sign something. Well, I’m not speaking with my sisters so I ask mom and she’s says it’s something about medical. I find out that it’s a quit claim deed for the house they obviously thought I shouldn’t be privy to, they now say I’m living off mom and that I need to move out. Mom and I aren’t getting along because I did this for her and now, she says I should pay rent and that I should do everything for free because I’m under her roof. Beyond hurt and crushed any feedback would be good.
And yes, it’s wrong they don’t appreciate you.
On the flip side of that coin, your mother is also living off of you.
No one who hasn't been in a situation like this sees it this way though. I've been where you are though not in a grand estate and I had to do it all for free for my mother along with cleaning out my own savings to pay for my needs and household needs. I thank God every day I'm not in that situation anymore.
Does your mother and siblings know that no one is going to do the maintenance of what sounds to me like an estate for $300 a month? Are you also stuck doing the cooking, laundry, housekeeping, and being the entertainment for your mother as well?
You need to get a job and move out as quickly as you can. Let your mother and your siblings figure it out.
I think your siblings are going to put your mother into into a care facility. That's why sister came by to do a medical POA and quick-claim deed the property. This isn't smart. Unless your mother has a terrific Long Term Care insurance policy, all of her assets, bank accounts, property, and monthly income get paid to the care facility because she'll be a cash-pay resident. Then she'll qualify for Medicaid when it's all gone.
There of course is a 5-year lookback period with Medicaid which means that a senior can't just sign over deeds and bank accounts to family in the car on the way to the nursing home like they used to.
Your sister may or may not think she's being clever and protecting assets. She's not.
Get out of that house. Find a place to stay then sit back and watch the sh*tshow because most likely will be a big one.
Good luck.
My advice to you now is to do whatever you can to get a full time job and eventually leave this situation behind, because you are in a no win situation.
If all are dependent on your care then do give good notice, say three months. Since you mention no contract I assume you have been unable to save any caregiving funds. Since you mention no dementia I assume Mom is safe while you seek a job. You will need to save up so that you can afford first and last on a small place.
I sure wish you good luck, but the family dynamics here are way too complicated, enmeshed and messy to try to comb out and deal with. Best place for you and a teen daughter is on your own, even if that means staying in a shelter.
Staying for free rental and doing caregiving without pay will leave you penniless and homeless as you currently have seen and had notice of.
So sorry. This was poor decision making and you've painting yourself into a corner that is going to be difficult to work your way out of without a good deal of struggle and pain.
If you know you've done your best for your mom, don't damage your mental/emotional/physical health by valiantly trying to stay in a stressful situation. There are a lot of opportunities waiting for a young woman of 53. Go and see!
IF your mom is cognitively impaired and that is documented, her signature on the quit claim deed could be challenged. However, going that path could be costly. You would need to decide the route you prefer - challenge the quit claim deed, or not. You could weigh you connection and love for your mother against the emotional battering you've taken from your 3 sisters - and then decide.
I recommend you take some time and envision how you would feel if you leave vs envisioning how you would feel if you don't. Take the route that feels best and don't look back.
Just my 2 cents. You are in a tough place - please don't beat yourself up.
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