For 1 year I spent 2 weeks a month in her state and the other 2 weeks at home. I gave up a full time job. Then she moved in with me for 2 years. No one else helps. I did day care a couple of months then she hollered about going with the crazy people. I mentioned having someone come to the house and she doesn't like that. I used AL respite a couple months back and she hated it. The other siblings came to visit and it was not a vacation for me.
She is very rude to my husband and kicked me when I explained she needed to have an infected tooth removed. She talks about sex and poop when taken out to eat. She was mad at the AL and they had a lot of trouble getting her showered. She complains of having to look at another woman with a crooked neck at the facility. Found an AL that will do occasional overnight care and daycare where they even give showers. Afraid she might put up a fight about going there also. Thought I could do that 2 days a week and she could still live with me but give me a break and allow me to go out with husband but she doesn't consider anyone else with the dementia. Not sure if it's worth trying or if I would just be postponing the inevitable.
When I need to take her to a doctor sometimes she prays for God to kill me. I spent 6 months cleaning her house to sell with no help from others. They only wanted her money. They don't want her in a facility now because it costs money. They don't appreciate what I have done for free. I have a CNA license, activities license and foodservice license but I can't take much more abuse.
So work on communication. Something is underlying there and it may be that her expectation is the work is shared more equally. Or that she simply needs a break. You may not know everything that's going on. I don't share every little detail so they have no idea how hard this REALLY is.
Can she qualify for Medicaid and be placed in a facility?
So, I decided ENOUGH of them! Told them to get mom in facility. They did. Mom's fee in memory care was 6.5K a month then she had a hard time adjusting and the facility requested a 24/7 caregiver for her on and off for two years. That was additional charge. Mom's monthly cost, about 12-14K a month. Doesn't sound cheaper, does it?
Go get your life back and don't concern yourself with their inheritance. Her money is for her care!