Jessica75670 Asked February 2018
I am having a hard time dealing with the overflow of emotions that I am having. I get mad at myself for getting irritated at my dad. HELP!
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My kids and my husband feel like they're walking on eggshells because I bite their heads off at the smallest things. I feel like I can't handle any more than what is going on with my dad. How do I deal with all these emotions and feelings?
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Yes he is I brought him home 2 weeks ago
Bottom line is this is a marathon and not a sprint. You have to learn to pace yourself. You can't make things perfect. You can't make your dad well again. You can do what you can do.
You need help and respite (time away). Don't give up your life and your happiness for your dad's sake. If this is a permanent arrangement, you need to get some immediate help. Start reading these boards for ideas and suggestions. Or tell us specifically what is going on and you'll get lots of good ideas and support.
I want to tell you it gets easier with experience and the build up of patience. Just reading what the individuals are going through on here, allow me to see clearly my situation, and know that it could be worse.
My Parents moved in with me almost 4 years ago, my Dad passed just over a year ago, and I will tell you it's harder with just the one as opposed to when there was the two of them.
I am only now figuring out balance. Still haven't gotten it all figured out. But I see sunshine. Oh my dear I know the emotions, I still struggle. It seems so horrible at times. And I mean this from experience and with all sincerity, it is only by the grace of God and the enduring love of Jesus Christ that I get through my days.
Taking one day at a time has not been my forte, as I am a huge planner. But that is what I have learned I must try to do is take one day at a time. It will get better hang in there. I will keep you in my prayers. And think of praying yourself if you don't already.
Best wishes and May God bless.
My mom is now living in an independent apartment in a continuing care community. I am still caring for her but the level of stress is so much less.
You need to take care of yourself and like snoopy love said, your kids should be your first priority.
My father passed suddenly and my mum took on an angry attitude. I tried to appease her at first but there was no comforting her which caused me to be irritated. I was sad enough loosing my father, but then felt I was loosing my mother.
Along with prayers I turned to meditation. That is meditation not medications. Actually mum turned to medications and her doctor prescribed even more for her. She is diabetic with high blood pressure, high cholesterol and has emphysema. She started telling me of the poor nutritional food she was eating eeek, pie, cake, doughnuts, fast food burgers, fries, biscuits and bacon sausage breakfast sandwiches. This is after I was bringing her healthy food and frozen soups. Which are going to waste in her freezer so crammed not another thing will fit.
This was the physical aspect that brought reality to my brain. I couldn’t change her attitude and it made me angry. I let go..
Now time to take care of ourselves..
Meditation just three minutes per day
and a balanced diet helped me.
I was so worried about mum I was neglecting my husband and children.
I’m nurturing them along with myself and take it day by day.
I still can’t sleep through the night but doing so much better.
When I get irritated I stop and recognize it.
Then decide to change the attitude and focus on the good things.
((((((((((hugs))))))))))
It's very early days in an incredibly challenging and emotional time. If you can all cut one another as much slack as you need and hold tight, you will get through this. Big hugs, please keep updating us.
I will also mention that when I was going through a particularly stressful time (including my elderly mother who was starting dementia) I found that see a therapist was hugely helpful. Just someone to talk to who wasn't involved in the situation. Just talking helped - I felt SOOOOO much better after the first session. But she also helps me prioritize and focus on what might be most important. I saw her weekly at first, but now it is ever 6-8 weeks, just so things don't build up.
a husband plus an incontinent father. Don’t feel bad if you get irrated for having too much stress. I kept my father in my home
for 15 months. He was not incontinent, but he asked the same
questions over and over everyday. He could not use his phone and wanted me to tell him how every five minutes. He could not use the TV changer. He thought the TV channel changed every time a commercial came on and would scream for me to come check his TV. He obsessed over having dinner. He started in at 3:00 asking if I was going to cook dinner. (Every 20 mins) At 5:00 it went to ever 5 minutes until 7:00. I cooked dinner every night. It
Was as if everyday was a repeat of the day before. I almost lost my
mind. I hope the help you are getting will be enough. Caring for a
Loved one in your home is very difficult. Good Luck!