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I'm so sorry, it's so hard, it sounds like you are working so hard and going through this alone. You know in your heart that something's got to give. You promised your mom that you'd take care of him, but sometimes that means letting someone else do it! Can the home be sold or downsized to pay for his care? Then you could just visit and provide love and care. You are doing an amazing job, but it's impossible to continue as it is. Good luck to you.
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Anonymous,

Ditto honey! I feel your pain! I just got up at 3:00 in the morning to change my mom and change the sheets! I can’t take anymore either!!! I would cry but I can’t even do that right now...just numb! I’m a machine, not a person, not a daughter, not a nurse in a facility that gets off when her shift ends, hell no! I am a robot! A machine covered in flesh with a heart beating a mile a minute from nerves and blood running through my veins. That’s all... I don’t want to feel anymore because it hurts too damn much.
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I think when your loved one reaches the point where they need 24/7 care, you can't possibly go back to a place where you enjoy caregiving again. Let's face it...... its too much for one human being! You've sentenced yourself to a life of hell because you promised your mom you'd take care of your stepdad? There are many ways to fulfill your promise without sacrificing your entire LIFE and state of mind in the process. I'm quite sure your mom did not have THIS in mind for you when she asked you to care for this man. You've interpreted her request incorrectly. Reevaluate your role in his life. Visit some Memory Care communities in your area, especially Anthem if you live in a state with one of their facilities, they are phenomenal. A good MC community's can provide a much more comprehensive and enriching life experience for your stepdad than you alone can ever hope to accomplish. The MC I work at took the residents on an impromptu outing to the Broncos training camp today. They all came back with huge smiles on their faces and everyone had a fine time.

Take the necessary steps to reclaim your life, my friend. You deserve to.
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