My mother woke me up to tell me that she will be making chicken... in addition to other items for my son and daughter-in-law. I said they won't be here til 10 pm. She said we'll eat it then I said I really don't know what I will eat at dinner. This happens everyday she will tell me at 9 am what she is making. I have told her for years not to be the decision maker for what I eat. It goes in one ear and out the other. She will make enough food for 20 people and then get mad or mumble under her breath when no one eats it. I can't take it. She doesn't listen to what you tell her and then gets mad. She is obsessed with meals and food. My kids were coming in from out of town so of course she woke me up at 10 am to tell me what she was gonna make. Again like 2,000 times I said can you stop. So I told her I didn't know what I was gonna eat for dinner. So she made so much food as always. I told her that the kids were coming at 10 pm. She said as always oh I thought they were coming in the afternoon. I don't know why you think that? So when she asked me to eat what she made I said no thanks then she mumbled crap under her breath because she is miserable. And said I'm not cooking. So I saw her make a doggy bag another thing she does all the time and she tells me to tell the kids about it. Okay again I will. When I went to pick them up and we returned here she comes to the garage at 10 pm I made dinner for you guys but I thought you were coming in the afternoon. ARE YOU KIDDING ME. My daughter was like oh my God with the food. Needless to say they stayed in a hotel. If we had eaten out she would have complained about no one eating. Well no one told you to cook. In the garage I told her I already told the kids. Then she goes on to say that she has it in plastic bags in the fridge. I said ok ma I told them so she mumbles and walks away. So you waited up to come downstairs at 10 pm to tell them about the food she even put their name on it. I'm going nuts. Eat eat eat... it's really good. It's moist it's so fresh. I don't care stop. 30 years of this is enough. What is the best way to deal with this. It's very wasteful and we are tired of it. I cook for myself. My kids are even tired of it. Enough. Don't get me wrong we love her and appreciate her but jeez let me be an adult already. Stop obsessing about food. At 89 she was probably just sitting there waiting . If it had been midnight she would have done the same thing. But oh no she doesn't have a problem. Yes she does it's toxic behavior and that's just one thing.
You made this decision to care for mom, what about caring for YOURSELF? What measures have you put in place to do that? What escapes do you plan for you so that all this food pushing doesn't drive you over the edge? Remember that Medicare pays for respite care for mom; a week or two in Assisted Living while YOU take a well needed vacation! Look into it. There are TWO lives here that matter; yours and mom's, not JUST mom's. All she has is arthritis and vision issues, meaning she can live for another decade like this! Right? Put plans in place now for YOU to be able to thrive in these toxic living conditions.
Wishing you all the best of luck coming up with a working plan that helps YOU, too, not just your mother! You are worth it!
And if you can't appreciate your mother wanting to cook for you(as many ladies from her era cook to show their love for their families)and your children, perhaps it's best that you move out on your own, so you can be "an adult already," and do your own cooking and she can perhaps cook for someone who would actually appreciate it.
I find it kind of sad that you can't allow your mother this simple pleasure of wanting to provide a good home cooked meal for you and your children.
I mean, of all the problems you could have with her, I guess you should count your blessings(and be grateful that she can still cook and still wants to)that it's just that she wants to cook for you to show her love.
I just read your other question/post where you say that you can't move out because your mother is legally blind. Isn't it amazing that she can still cook and find your room to wake you up in the morning with that deficit? You should be continuing to encourage that(the cooking)and not discouraging it.
And you can still move out you know. It will just mean that your mother will have to hire some in home help to assist her, or that she will have to move into an assisted living facility where she will be around other folks her own age and get more socialization.
So you do have options to get your life back if you so choose.
My husband and I are pretty light eaters by and large, but this endless desire to cook by the GF and her need to go to the grocery store daily is bizarre to us. She's a great cook, which is wonderful, but we've also both gained weight since they've been here because of the sheer amount of food moving through this house.
I think it's how some people feel normalcy and express love. Not much to do about that except be grateful.
Do you live with her or she lives with you? What kind of caregiving does she need?
I think it's pretty amazing that she is cooking so much at 89! My mom does nothing at 79. Can you guide her to cook things you actually want to eat? Why cook for yourself and she cook for everyone too? Waste of food and time. Who buys all these large quantities of food she is cooking? Might be some adjustments like this that could make it more tolerable?
Or do you need to move out and get her a paid caregiver? Not terribly likely that you'll get her to change this obsession.
Pretty annoying that she is waking you up to tell you these food updates. Geez, she should let you sleep.
Does she have any cognitive issues?
Good luck.
I neglected to say that I'm at home with my mom because she has arthritis and she is legally blind my sister and brother do not cone over to see her. So zi am the primary caretaker and have been for 20 years. Moving out would have been great 30 years ago. I take her to all of her appts..grocery shopping etc. That's why moving out is not an option. Thanks for the response.