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Now, they are talking about transferring him to another short-term acute psychiatric hospital in Tennessee, 158 miles away. I don't see any reason for this, other than they don't know what else to do with him. I think the local NH's have refused to take him.
I feel so guilty. Wish I never called 911.

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I read your previous post. You did the right thing. You were afraid for your life. Yes, NHs will not take aggressive residents. They have to think about their staff and other residents.

Yes, it is kind of far but he is where he needs to be. Maybe this facility will find the right combination of meds and he will be able to be closer. I think u realize that you can't handle him. No one could or should when a person suffering from a Dementia has violent tendencies. Please, don't feel guilty. This is not something you or your husband could/can control.

So sorry you are dealing with this.
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Don't feel guilty. If you called 911 you thought it was necessary for your safety or your husbands safety. Usually local hospitals can only keep someone for a limited time until they assess whether or not they need a different level of care. You did your very best for your husband and the hospital is doing their very best for you. I know the distance seems insurmountable but if you hadn't called 911 the outcome could have been tragic. Forgive yourself.
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Do you really wish you hadn't? Do you mean to say you did not have good reason to do so? You do not tell us what your husband's mental illness is; but apparently it is severe, and he isn't deemed to be able to be released without being a danger to self and others. I would take their word for it, as they are experts, and usually, if the question is even iffy, they are more than willing to toss patients back on their families.
Is this the first time you had to 5150 your husband? Again, what is his illness and what reason did you call 911.
As to where they will find room for him, these are desperate times. No NH will endanger selves or patients by taking an unstable patient in. These are also Covid-19 days, and they will do what they have to do.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
You are not a felon or an evil doer. You are a desperate wife doing the best you can. Felons should feel guilty. For the rest of us it is human limitations and doing the best we can with what we have to work for. Sadness and grief are fine. Guilt doesn't/shouldn't figure in this.
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JoAnn29 Aug 2020
Her husband has ALZ/Dementia
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Who is protecting and advocating for YOU? You are entitled to a safe environment, just as he is, but HE seems to have been deemed incapable of controlling himself.

Is that so?

You were in a situation that had NO PERFECT SOLUTION when you called 911. You made a choice that you hoped would be safety for him, and for you. THAT WAS THE BEST CHOICE OF ANY CHOICES AVAILABLE TO YOU.

With that in mind, and remembering that “guilt” is worthless as a source of motivation,

You deserve the peace of a period of respite during which you can consider alternatives (if any). Use the time he is placed, wherever it is, to consider the questions you need answered before moving forward in planning his care.

Safety and peace. FOR BOTH OF YOU. NO GUILT.
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If they insist on sending to a place you think is inappropriate, don't sign off, especially if he is Medicaid funded in GA. Remind them of your safety as well as his safety. They have to acknowledge any comments about your safety too.

My spouse had lots of physical health issues and not mental health requiring special treatment. I was very upfront in the beginning and told them I would never sign off for a treatment, admission, or transfer that I did not personally approve of. I followed that up with my statement that I would not contest any legally required change, but just never sign off for something I didn't approve of.

In other words I put the ball in their court when they tried to pressure us into something we did not want and I studied enough to determine it was likely not required. You must advocate on your own behalf throughout this scary journey.

There are several homes in Columbus GA. There are also a couple acute-care hospitals that work closely with Medicaid and nursing homes in this community.
There are many rural communities in GA with next to no medical or nursing care. Atlanta and Columbus are the primary places if a family member needs care.

Sometimes a facility transfers with the intent of returning the elder to that facility once the mental health is stable. There is a short term/mental placement at some Columbus snfs, but don't know how providers/Medicaid handled those type cases. I know they were isolated from the general residence populations.

Your safety is so important, so do not consent to allowing him to come home with you. Calling 911 was the right thing to do. Everyone you contact - 911, a doctor or hospital or a social service agency has to also document all safety concerns - for each of you. This protects all of you - both spouses and the care providers. Take advantage of this fact. Don't withhold anything that matters for your safety or his.
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Because of his aggressive behavior you are going to have to decide if you want him home or in a facility that can actually take care of him, even if it is 270 miles away.

They are doing the best they can for him, please help them help him.
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This post is from early August. I don't think OP has been back to update us. I hope she's doing well.
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She has a post from Sept 7 saying the facility wants her to get POA. She told them she can't because of he has Dementia. She can't afford guardianship
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I thought I had updated on these comments. My husband passed away on September 30.
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pamzimmrrt Oct 2020
I am so sorry, I hope you are doing well.
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So sorry for your loss. Thanks for the update we do worry about our posters.
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