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Sounds like dementia is involved. If so, there's no arguing with it, or convincing them of anything, really. If dementia is not involved, then adding a Kotex pad to a saturated brief makes no sense, unless she's trying to save money by using less Depends......? The whole situation would be terribly uncomfortable, when you think about it.........adding a pad that's going to get heavy, to a brief that's ALREADY heavy.........nasty! You may need to put your foot down, especially if there is an odor involved, or if she's beginning to get chafing or a rash, which would be the likely consequence of her actions here. If she goes down the rash highway, it can be murderous to treat it and get rid of it.
If she wants to live with you, assuming she does, then she will have to follow some of your rules, which include regular brief changes so you can avoid dire consequences. If you're dealing with dementia, then get her on a regular bathroom schedule of asking her every 2 hours and checking her for wetness. As soon as she's wet, she's changed, period.
Your house, your rules, right? She'll come around.
:( my Mum lives in her house with her rules : which seem to be wearing a thin pad all day is fine - even if no longer dry. Damp clothing can stay on or be worn again when dry. Clothing does not need to be washed - ever.
You could try being “all out” of the Kotex pads until you get her to the next stage. Just take them out of her sight. They are also “all out” at the store. The virus you know. Could be those folks using them for masks taking them all. 😷 But look, we have plenty of Depends.
Another concern would be a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI). UTI’s can wreck havoc on a dementia patient. I know, my wife just got over one. The “sweetest woman in the world” knocked down another resident at her facility, called me then argued that it wasn’t me and hung up the phone, made racial slurs against her caregivers and thought people were going to kill her. It was an UGLY seven or eight days!
From observations, I would guess that the reason for this is the added "difficulty" (it's not difficult, it's just a faff) of removing and disposing of the used Depend, plus whatever clothing adjustment is required. Much easier just to stick a stopgap in there!
So: go through the process, mentally. What *exactly* does your MIL have to do to change her underwear, and how can you make it easier, simpler - just the obviously better thing to do!
Last year I got advice from a Continence Nurse & OT regarding that sort of difficulty - not being able to change pull-ups, inc manage shoes & clothing also. As CM says, it's quite a process.
Two options were suggested. 1. Depends with incontinence booster pad. When booster wet, remove & replace new booster. The depends (or pull-ups) catch any overflow. But quite bulky!
2. Net stretch pants (are unisex men's trunks style) that holds a maxi pad in place. Net pants can often stay all day - just change pads. Less bulky but pad has to be positioned well.
My relative trialled but said the booster was too bulky & couldn't position maxi pad well enough on own. So returned to overflowing pull-ups & leaving damp chairs.
Supervision with toileting was recommended in that case due to combination of cognitive & mobility issues.
Look into the ABri-Form adult diapers, they may have pull-ups.. or some kind of pad... It is probably too embarrassing now for MIL... Is there anything medically wrong that she leaks? My neighbor just had a "mesh" put in and to prevent UTI's. This is a subject I really don't start or talk to her about... But I think it was an outpatient surgery, a few years ago...
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If she wants to live with you, assuming she does, then she will have to follow some of your rules, which include regular brief changes so you can avoid dire consequences. If you're dealing with dementia, then get her on a regular bathroom schedule of asking her every 2 hours and checking her for wetness. As soon as she's wet, she's changed, period.
Your house, your rules, right? She'll come around.
Good luck!
My rules in my home & my car are very different!
Just take them out of her sight.
They are also “all out” at the store. The virus you know.
Could be those folks using them for masks taking them all. 😷
But look, we have plenty of Depends.
So: go through the process, mentally. What *exactly* does your MIL have to do to change her underwear, and how can you make it easier, simpler - just the obviously better thing to do!
Two options were suggested.
1. Depends with incontinence booster pad. When booster wet, remove & replace new booster. The depends (or pull-ups) catch any overflow. But quite bulky!
2. Net stretch pants (are unisex men's trunks style) that holds a maxi pad in place. Net pants can often stay all day - just change pads. Less bulky but pad has to be positioned well.
My relative trialled but said the booster was too bulky & couldn't position maxi pad well enough on own. So returned to overflowing pull-ups & leaving damp chairs.
Supervision with toileting was recommended in that case due to combination of cognitive & mobility issues.