My mom has dementia and has had two strokes. She can not talk or understand much at all. I have advanced kidney disease and need another transplant. My current one is falling. I was told the wait list for a medicaid waiver in California has a 2 year waiting list to get her in a place. I can't even sign her up for it because I don't have medical POV only financial POV.
She doesn't get up to use the bathroom anymore and just goes in her diaper on her bed and then takes it off all the time and then goes all over herself. Im constantly washing clothes and sheets. I now know I should have never taken her home from the SNL she was after the stroke back in April. She's gotten so much worse as has my own health. Im stressed out and its not helping my condition. Im an only child. I was told she would need to be admitted to the hospital and then I refuse to take her home but she doesn't need hospitalization.
They are working on working my boyfriend up to donate a kidney to me. There is no one else who can care for her anymore. I can't mentally handle it anymore. If I get her into respite care can I refuse to take her back from that? Can I just take her to an ER? She only has her ssi Medicare and medicaid. Its all so complex. I don't get how I can be forced to care for her when I'm on disability myself. She's running my house on top of it because of the bathroom problems.
If you go this route you will no longer have any say about the care that your mom gets or where she is placed.
If you are talking to a medical team about your own medical problems have you discussed the situation with them? I am guessing there is a social worker involved.
If you take her to the ER do so if there is a legitimate reason to do so, do not just drive up and drop her off. Ask to talk to a hospital Social Worker and explain the situation.
Medicaid, did they house sell at a good price. Medicaid expects Market Value. Also, that the proceeds go into an acct that is only used for her needs. You maybe able to get around tbat because of the situation.
It simply does not matter if you did not intend to cheat the system. That was the affect.
We got the house for only about 10% under value. It needed a lot of work done. Her DR is recommending hospice. But I need to stress to them that it needs to be inpaitaint hospice. I don't have money for lawyers. I live on ssi disability. Maybe I can insist they find a pending medicaid bed if they won't do hospice in a place. I was told by area on aging it's a 2 year waiting list for long term medicaid and because I only have financial POV and not the medical POV that I couldn't sign her up for it anyway. What are people to do in an urgent situation like this? I feel stuck.
Im stessed and sick. I may need to start diyalisis no one knows when. I recently needed a blood transfusion from servere anemia from the kidney disease. If bf can donate his kidney or we do donor exchange it won't be long. I've now gotten bad anxiety and depression trying to take care of her. I don't understand how they can basically force me as a now sick person to care for her. I have been caring for her on my own since 2016 when it was obviously more manageable. I think the stress probably contributed to my bad health. I love my mom but I'm not going to continue to put my own deteriorating health on the line for her.
I feel awful that I may have to literally leave her at ER to get her care, but I will do what I must. I just hope I can't be charged with elder abandonment. Its ridiculous the red tape we have to go through. Im crying writing this im so stessed out. She constantly calls for me but doesn't need anything. I have to take care of myself now. This next transplant would be my fourth one. I can no longer give up my life and health. Doctors don't understand and try everything to keep them at home. Sorry for the rant, I really don't have anyone that understands my stess and frustration.
Please don't worry about "elder abandonment", it doesn't apply in a case like this. You are unable to safely take care of her needs and your health as well. No prosecutor will waste his or her time as there is no case. You don't have the capacity to properly care for mom, you simply do not have the ability anymore, nor do you have any help. That is not your fault.
She was in several facilities, then t took her home on home hospice. The first home hospice she was on wouldn't put her in an inpatient hospice facility. I dropped then and tried to care for mom myself, until one night I became overwhelmed with diaper changing and called 911. She tested positive for c difficile in the hospital, so they treated her and then wanted to send her home to the same environment.
I said I couldn't disinfect it enough to take her home so early..... Social workers and doctor very nasty.
She ended up in another snf but the pricing was ridiculous
..... I took her out after she was there for a little under one month, and got her on a second home hospice.
The system is terrible. Snf's without medicaid are ridiculously expensive. I paid for 2 months upfront, and got a partial refund when she came home on home hospice.
I found it impossible to get her into an inpatient hospice facility, and didn't want her in another snf.. Way too expensive..... I cared for her at home on home hospice, and she died in March 2021.
The whole thing took a terrible toll on my health...... My weight fell into the 70s at one point.
The system is broken, and more inpatient hospice facilities should exist.
Do you think you can get a guardian for her to relieve you of all this responsibility and stress, as your own health is failing?
They will send one to speak with you and then you explain that you cannot and will not take your mother back into your home because you are unable to care for her.
They will admit her to the hospital and will keep her there until they find a facility who has placement available for her. Once she's placed you can look at different facilities and can move her if you like. The facility she's placed in by the hospital will take care of her Medicaid application too.