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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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Her needing to know where you are or when are you returning could be a form of shadowing. Shadowing is actually physically following someone around. To your mom you may be a source of safety, reassurance, her anchor in a haphazard or confusing world. She needs to know you're there for her. Reassure her of your love for her and that she's safe. For you, her behavior may be stifling and stressful. Do you employ any activities that could keep her distracted and not notice your absence? Find a music app on your phone and load it with old songs of her younger years. That may keep her occupied. Do you trust a neighbor to look after her while you seek some refuge? Give that person some verbal reassurances to use that would work when your mom asks for you.
My mom has done this since I was a child. About 3 years ago we went to a family funeral, I was changing my clothes in a spare room when I heard her scream "Where has ____ run off to". I open the door and I'm in funeral clothes. "What were you doing" . "I was changing clothes" "ohhhhhh" When I go to her place and have to go to the bathroom she follows me.
Ugh, yes! My grandmother does this when I head upstairs. She asks me this one a lot. Sometimes I get sarcastic with her and mumble under my breath "No, I'm going to stay upstairs forever and ever!"
So yes, Karen70, I hear you and I get it. This is anxiety (in our elderly loved ones) and after a while, it begins to wear on our nerves as well. Someone suggested upping the anti-anxiety meds and I have to agree, otherwise pretty soon we'll need those meds more than our loved ones! Can't have that happen.
I also recommend getting yourself some respite care, it sounds like this is beginning to get to you- I speak from experience.
I think it is anxiety. My dad went through this as his dementia worsened. This is going to sound crazy but we got him a stuffed pony - he likes horses. We would kind of come and go and as long as he held his pony - he was comforted. I don't know if anyone else has this experience?
I agree it's like toddler behaviour - when they like to keep prefered parent in sight. But they slowly get longer memories & gain more trust their parent will return.
When it goes the other way, it gets really hard on the caregiver. Some elders who are mobile actually follow half a step behind their carer all day (shadowing). Yikes.
Activities she can be absorbed & engaged in would be my best suggestion.
(But I know my Mother gets like this & activities don't work for her).
Does humour work? My Son does that to me 😁. Where are you going? Oh, probably running away, might come back next week sometime. (He's a teenager).
Otherwise it's anti-anxiety meds (if appropriate & if they work). For her, not you. (Maybe headphones for you).
Yes. My mother (97) does that most days, depending on what state of mind she's in. She'll nap and wake up confused, then wander around in a panic calling out 'Where is everybody?' or 'Oh, there you are! I thought I was on my own!' (The house isn't that big, FFS!). And I have to walk past her chair to leave the living room - it's a bit like having to ask a prison warden permission to go to the loo! Really aggravating. I feel for you.
My Mom, in Memory Care now, would panic when I would go into the next room, with the door open. Since she was on an about 5 minute memory cycle, she absolutely couldn’t remember what I had said, or where I had gone. It’s a really hard thing. I understand where you’re coming from.
I remember having to tell my dad that my mother was becoming a toddler, and all of a sudden her behaviors became clear to him. A good friend once told me that "we start in diapers, and we end in diapers." He was so correct.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
So yes, Karen70, I hear you and I get it. This is anxiety (in our elderly loved ones) and after a while, it begins to wear on our nerves as well. Someone suggested upping the anti-anxiety meds and I have to agree, otherwise pretty soon we'll need those meds more than our loved ones! Can't have that happen.
I also recommend getting yourself some respite care, it sounds like this is beginning to get to you- I speak from experience.
Hang in there.
I agree it's like toddler behaviour - when they like to keep prefered parent in sight. But they slowly get longer memories & gain more trust their parent will return.
When it goes the other way, it gets really hard on the caregiver. Some elders who are mobile actually follow half a step behind their carer all day (shadowing). Yikes.
Activities she can be absorbed & engaged in would be my best suggestion.
(But I know my Mother gets like this & activities don't work for her).
Does humour work? My Son does that to me 😁. Where are you going? Oh, probably running away, might come back next week sometime. (He's a teenager).
Otherwise it's anti-anxiety meds (if appropriate & if they work). For her, not you.
(Maybe headphones for you).
Since she was on an about 5 minute memory cycle, she absolutely couldn’t remember what I had said, or where I had gone.
It’s a really hard thing. I understand where you’re coming from.