She's a cancer survivor an also has an aortic stent and she has done no follow up claiming she wants to die. She hardly gets off the sofa and says she will refuse treatment if I call someone. She is very abusive mentally and physically, she doesn't want to go to the nursing home and is taking care of her finances although she has made some very bad decisions lately. Refuses to give me POA. I'm her only daughter. Yet she wants me to do all the transactions. She calls me stupid and is very combative. She put my son on her checking account though he's thirty two and has been in trouble. Anyway he did make a withdrawal of 1000 dollars and she blamed me. I'm at my wits end how to handle her. I'm 65 and been living with her for five years.
The question then becomes what you need to do. No one deserves abuse, no matter the circumstance. If this is her home, you need to live elsewhere. Leave her to this mess she’s created, don’t take abuse, just because she’s your mother doesn’t mean you need to take it. At the least, stop arguing with her and keep your distance. The only one capable of change here is you
I have one additional suggestion. Call a local Hospice organization. If she wants no treatment, she may well qualify; otherwise, they may have some good suggestions for Palliative Care.
Point is, just let her be. Abide by her wishes. It’s not easy, but in the long run, it’s ok.