I take care of my mother and live in her house with her. I am not paid. I am unsure how to keep track of the hours I am there. It almost seems easier to record the hours I am not there.
I do not want to live at the house anymore because it's a negative situation and I do not get much support or help from family. I need to prepare to live on my own again. To do this, I need to find a job. I have been here going on 8 years. Mom feels like she will be ok with me being gone during the day but I normally get all her meals.
My family is codependent so I do not trust them very much. I just need to do what is right for me.
Getting a job outside the home is not dependent on mom 'thinking' she will be ok with you out of the house. It comes down to - you know if she can be alone or not. Can she retrieve her meals from the kitchen if you aren't there? If she can be alone all day, the question is why didn't you already have a job?
Meals? Anything cold. Leave a fruit/granola/yogurt parfait for breakfast. Sandwich and chips for lunch. Dinner is whatever you feel like fooling with, or get take-out. Or open a can of soup and serve with crackers!
But keeping a log of hours to get paid? Hooooooonnney, you are sooo dreaming. Not gonna ever happen.
Job. JOB. You should have found one years ago, but better late than never.
Best to stop hoping for past compensation and work on accepting that with as much peace as you can muster. I waited too long, I hope you don’t, too.
Hugs 🤗
Here is a helpful article from the main page of this website:
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/how-to-get-paid-for-being-a-caregiver-135476.htm
You may benefit from getting your mother 's level of care needs assessed by her PCP so that you have it documented what the medical professionals state her care needs are. These will of course change over time, but such is the reason to have her in routine PCP visits. You may also want to request her PCP to assign a Geriatric Case Manager to her; this is usually a licensed social worker who can be helpful identifying needs and options to meet those needs in caring for an aging loved one and, meeting your own needs. Some boundary settings may be in order too.
Practice good self care.
You already know you should be getting a job, working, and that you have a dependent family that isn't healthy for you. You have a lot of issues to address, but numbers of hours you do anything seems irrelevant.
Of course Mom doesn't cook. Why would she? You're there to do it for her.
Always be kind.
The amount of money involved in many hours of care may mean that it’s best to get it drawn up by a lawyer. First run it past the family members. If they say that they will not sign, you need to reconsider what you are doing. Keeping track of hours is a waste of your time, and the care is jeopardising your financial future. For contract purposes, you may need to think about the hours of care that are justified, rather than how much time you spend there.
This is a trap that many carers fall into. They expect compensation that never comes. Your compensation now is ‘looking wonderful’, and it doesn’t make up for the bitterness you feel when you know it has been taken for granted by everyone including mother. ‘Wonderful’ also doesn’t provide for your own future care when you are old yourself.
TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY!
Go out find a job, save up some money and move out, she can either hire someone to help her or move to AL.