I sometimes stay up all night to complete a cleaning chore, and then will sleep most of the day. Lately, I have been taking him to eye appointments, and dentist appointments. He thanked me yesterday for getting him his new glasses, and today was an early dentist appointment. Tonight he said he was tired and going to sleep at 8:30, so I got him his night time pills and applied his Exelon patch. He then asked me, nicely "Is there anything I can do for you?' I said "Well, will you put the furniture back in place, in the family room?" (he had cleaned the floor in there a couple of days ago, and the furniture was all askew). Then it seems...all h*ll broke loose. He started with a pile of magazines and papers, and then went to a different room and got more magazines and papers and told me, he couldn't move the furniture, since our whole house is a &*%$!! mess! I lost it. I hadn't eaten all day, and was about to watch a favorite TV show. He said "let's get this house cleaned" I tried to say "I thought you were going to bed?" It then escalated, I feel I am at an impasse. I try to be patient. But, I have hit my breaking point. I just want to leave. Please help, I need advice, I don't have help and I don't know what to do.
Second, I'm going to pass on the very wise advice I got here when I first joined after my mom developed dementia after a stroke: remember that is a marathon, not a sprint.
You MUST:
Let some things go
Take care of YOU
Get regular respite
Examine your resources and assets
Get a professional assessment of his/your needs.
Pace yourself.
It seems like having a tidy, clean house is an important thing for you and husband.
Staying up all night yo clean doesn't seem like a good expenditure of a very limited resource ( your time and health).
Have you looked into a housecleaner?
Have you asked for a needs assessment from your local Area Agency on Aging?
Have you talked to husband's doctor about his agitation and what meds might be appropriate?
Again, ((((hugs)))))!
Barb has given you good advice, I hope you can find ways to get some respite and peace back in your home
I know that my Mom would be fine with the condition of the house one day; and the next day, she would want me to clean "everything" and demand that I "box up all of the papers in my office".
I heard this and thought it sounds like a major OCD episode. It has to be done now because it releases the person's pent up anxiety. Doing it releases stress levels and they can relax again. Its not rational to anyone but them. Arguing won't work.
Does husband have OCD tendencies? Or lots of anxiety? I think that dementia can bring out a person's personality traits more.
If they are a narcissist, it will have them ordering everyone about. If they are anxiety ridden, it will exasperated that, till their screaming.
What would he do if you said, have at it. I'll see you in the morning. Then go thru the trash in am to see what he threw out lol. Would he do it alone, or make sure you couldn't sleep? Does he have to be monitored every minute?
Definitely talk to the primary about this. They could offer suggestions or play with dosage/times taken etc.
What if you took him for a walk in the eve? Walk the dog. Or walk yard perimeter. Do an activity to tire him out before bed.
What if you walk away If he gets on a tare? Would he stop, or follow you? A person can't argue with themself.
I had to sit with a new resident for the eve. She started out fine, but then her mood deterioratated to berating me. Cursing me actually. She was scared/mad and wanted to go home. She couldn't.
Anyway, I stayed in the hall just outside the door. She found out right quick, that getting no response from me took away her power. No fun complaining, if no audience. I could keep an eye that she was safe, but no reaction. Its called grey rock method. Dont engage, or short yes/no answer. Nothing that will enflame them more. It worked for a few hrs. She went to sleep.
Good luck.