Lindalouie64 Asked September 2014
I just had a major meltdown and yelled at my Mom who has general anxiety disorder. How do I avoid this?
Follow
Share
OMG ! I hate myself! It seems that I get totally frustrated with the fact that she has "pain" in her vaginal area. I have taken her to the Gyn and there is nothing wrong except some thinning. She told us to do sitz bathes and that was THE answer. We were good for 2 weeks with doing them twice a day and now here we go again. The sitz bath is not helping and I'm supposed the find another answer. She was crying and I lost it! What is wrong with me? I feel like I'm falling apart. I cant' take this much longer and my brother has no time to help out! Pray f;or me.
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
51 Answers
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Popular Questions
Ask a Question
I'd make one more trip to a gynecologist and see if the gynecologist can duplicate the pain. In other words, does it hurt somewhere when something is pressed? Ask the doctor if it's possible she could have an internal abscess in that area. The pain is exquisite. And speaking from experience? It can be missed.
In my case, it was missed by two emergency rooms over an 8-day period. I'm not exaggerating. Missed by TWO emergency room doctors at two different hospitals. I ended up on antibiotic IVs, had emergency surgery the next day, and a two-day hospitalization. Nothing to fool around with. The infection, a nasty one, had spread throughout my body.
Just for the record, they ALSO prescribed sitz baths. Idiots.
If the gynecologist can't find anything, ask for a CT scan . . . or WHATEVER. Pain is a horrible thing. She has no one to speak for her except you, and I have a suspicion that doctors all too often discount pain reports from the very elderly.
If they can't find anything, then get pain medication for her.
Don't blame yourself for losing it. We've all done it. Care giving is a highly (and I do mean HIGHLY) stressful undertaking.
You're right!
I suppose it isn't anything daft such as her underpants not fitting her comfortably? Or one of those hidden pelvic fractures, where the 'seam' at the pubic mound separates? Oh crumbs, it could be anything; it can be very difficult to be specific about the various 'undercarriage' regions. For symptom relief you could try one of those 'lifesaver' cushions, with a firm seat ring and a hole in the middle - you used to see them in maternity wards, I imagine they're still pretty easy to find?
As for the yelling bit, my heart sinks for you; but since they don't hand out Pure Reason tablets with our Caregivers' badges I think we've all had our non-finest hours. Resolve not to do it again. What more can you do?
And the can't take it much longer? I will happily pray there will be better arrangements to be made before long, for all of us; but meanwhile here's a good rub between the shoulder blades for you. Big hug.
I am assuming the OBGYN did a complete pelvic examination?
Has she had any kind of pelvic surgery at any time? does not matter how long ago it was. Hysterectomy? Bladder support? Prolapse reduction? Hernia repair? was a CT scan of her pelvis suggested?
The rule in my book is that if a loved one says they have pain it has to be believed.
Does anything relieve it? Sitting in a warm bath? A warm pad on her belly?
Is it constant or does it come and go at certain times of the day? Can she sleep at night or does the pain keep her awake? Does she have haemorroides?
In the vaginal area there are three systems to be evalualted.
In the front is the urethra which drains urine from the bladder, this is only about 3 inches long so there could be stones in the bladder which are incredibly painful if they are passed. the tubes (ureters) that drain the urine from the kidneys to the bladder can go into spasm when there are stones present and aginagony which comes and goes and presents as pain in the groin. next is the vagina and the outlet to the utehra is in the front of this and maybe even tucked inside, The vagina of course connects the uterus to the outside. there are numerous conditions than can affect this system which may present as pain which seems to be in the vagina. Finally behind all this is the rectum and there are a huge number of things that can affect this and present as pelvic pain.
Finally trying a pain med stronger than Tylenol may be worth seeing if it relieves the pain. When no cause for pain can be found it is too often believed not to be real and of course this may also be possible in this case. How old is mom/
It can be exhausting for us caregivers running around to doctors searching for some relief for our parents. I don't know about other people's experience, but I have been "put off" by how gynecologists have treated my mother. I don't think many are used to working with the elderly, and many around here won't take Medicare, so it is apparent they don't want to. I wish there were some doctors who specialized in geriatric gynecology. I don't think we have a single one around here. If we do, I haven't found him/her.
Don't. Everyone thinks everything can be cured with a pill these days.
Go to the store, get some Vagicaine (anti-itch cream) -- I know you said she has "pain" but an untreated 'itch' can reach to levels of pain. And especially since the elderly skin thins out, the itch CAN be painful. So try that.
The next solution is a prescription you need from the doctor. Sometimes, if she is not properly dried off or wearing the wrong type of underwear, anyone at any age can develop a yeast infection. A yeast infection doesn't necessarily need to have all the gruesome symptoms if you know what I mean. The yeast on our body can be found even under our breast or if she's a larger woman, under folds of skin. It's a painful rash. Try: Clotrimazole Betamethasone Dipropionate cream. (Ugh such a long name just to say: anti fungal cream.) Don't do the monastat 7 thing. Too much. This cream I'm suggesting will ease her pain and take away the infection (if there is one). Check her temperature too.
I hope this helps.
As far as lashing out? Forgive yourself and each time she is complaining of pain, take a deep breath and just picture the world from her eyes. That's what I do. It's very difficult to keep hearing complaints, but if you seriously cannot tolerate it or you have had it 'up to here' --- is there someone else in your family who can help out?
Good luck……